Diary of a Mandu

일기 #20

27 April 2016

Dear diary,

He's still kinda of texting me. I reply with emojis and not words to help him understand that I just don't want to deal with him anymore. He's bugging me about basketball again. He doesn't stop. I wish he got the idea but he just can't sense the tension I'm giving? The atmosphere I'm spreading around in our chat? Maybe he doesn't know. But I can't tell him directly because I don't have a good reason to why I'm ignoring him. Unless I confess to him in the past tense way, which is less likely to happen since that's just adding complications together. I can imagine him asking something like...

"Oh. Then do you still like me? Because I like you. Be my girlfriend?"

CRINGE.

Just plain cringe. Hansol is someone quite easy to read, since he's like an open book who doesn't try to close or put up barriers. Oh, did I mention that he likes getting into fights? He basically equals to your usual bad boy and I wasn't a fan of them, unlike the others. If some dude had tattoos, I would have turned away. If someone smoked, I would have muttered how stupid they were and gagged. If someone went drunk or did underage drinking, I'd shake my head in disappointment. In short, I was a fan of the world's innocence.

But isn't it bad? The world isn't as innocent as it is.

Chulsoo, on the other hand, he also likes basketball (list me down all the cute boys who have never touched or at least tried to play basketball and I'll give you my treasured cookie jar full of cookies that taste like heaven) too, he can actually play the guitar (he can't sing too well but it's still pleasant to hear), he's funny, he's nice, he's basically my ideal crush. He's nice to me and treats me better than how Hansol treated me. Sure, he can be a little... cheesy but I like to tease him about being cheesy and turn him down that way.

I know that as time goes by, I will finally forget him and his name and the way he makes me feel. Just like all my past crushes from before. With, of course, the exception of Chulsoo. But I hope Hansol will finally get the point of it.

Love,
Mandu
(Baek Dohui)