This Is Gospel (ShimaxYukio)

6. Confrontation

Rin hadn't said any words to Bon, but the atmosphere practically shattered at the weight of the situation.

Ryuji had admitted to cheating on Rin.

In retrospect, Rin figured that he probably should have seen it coming. The long nights away from home and distancing himself away from his family...of course Bon had been with someone else.

It didn't stop his heart from breaking into a million pieces, though.

"I thought...I mean...you...you don't want me?"

Rin's voice was shakey, just as his hands were as he gripped the bedsheets in his grip.

Bon could blame the stress of work and home. He could say that it was because he and Rin hadn't been able to make love to each other as much anymore or that being in the midst of so much chaos had caused him to stray.

But it would be a lie.

No, he didn't love Kinzo. He loved Rin more than he loved himself. It wasn't that he didn't find Rin attractive anymore. Rin was still the most beautiful thing that he had ever laid eyes on, c-section scar and all.

So then why...?

"I...I don't have a reason, but I swear to God, I'm sorry. I love you, only you, and I want you still...please--"

Rin held up a hand to silence him, and pulled an incredulous expression. His eyes brimmed with tears that refused to spill even as he tried to blink them away.

"How long?"

"...for about a week or so, but I haven't touched him in weeks."

"Him?"

A wheezy laugh spilled venomously past Rin's lips and he held a palm to his head, attempting to ease the bit of dizziness taking over him.

"Who was it? Tell me."

"...Kinzo..."

And then the laughter turned into slight sobbing as the tears fell. "Of course, you fuck someone who's practically your brother." Rin chokes out.

Bon released a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding as he sank to his knees on the side of the bed. "Please forgive me...I never meant to hurt you."

"Don't you give me that bullshit!" the raven spat, "because you KNEW it would fucking hurt me and you still did it! You knew you were betraying me and you didn't stop!"

That was true.

"What happened to 'I'm not gay, I'm just in love with you', huh? What happened to trust and love and...and..." Rin's voice broke, lips quivering in an attempt to still himself. Bon had the sudden urge to climb the highest building he could find and throw himself from the top of it.

He couldn't find words so he just kneeled on the floor with his mouth gaping, face and eyes red with the intense effort it took for him not to cry, too.

"Get out."

He couldn't plead with Rin to let him stay. He couldn't plead with his husband not to give up on him because no matter how much it hurt, it was his own fault. He couldn't blame anyone but himself.

Rin grabbed the reading lamp from the night stand, hurling it with every intention to hit Bon in the face with it only to watch it shatter against the wall. "Get out, get out, get OUT of my FUCKING house!"

Bon had to force himself from the floor and pull his pants on, wobbling on unsteady legs. He felt sick with himself---sick to his stomach with everything he had done.

"I need you in my life...please...tell me that this isn't it for us..." He managed in barely a whisper. It would have been lost over the sound of Rin's heavy breathing, but it would seem the younger of the two could hear him clearly.

"I don't know what to do. For now, you can go stay with your bro Kinzo for all I care. I don't wanna see you. Don't call me. I'll let you know what I decide in a few days."

Bon nodded, holding himself together as best he could as he left. He knew better than to call Kinzo, so he called the only other person he could think of...sort of a last minute emergency.

"Hey, Amaimon...could I crash at your place for a while?"

#

It had been days now since Yukio punched Shima in the face and stole his dog. He hadn't seen nor heard of the pinketter since the encounter and while he was relieved for the peacefulness, he was also fearful of what was to come.

Because a silent Shima was also a plotting one.

Russell hadn't seemed to think much of it, more so annoyed by the fact the Yukio was still sleeping with one eye open because of his paranoia. He had become detached, and that was something he couldn't have happening.

"What if he's plotting to kill me or something? What if he's plotting to kill you and then drag me back to Japan?!" Yukio cried, letting out a dramatic gasp and gripping his hair.

Russell rolled his eyes at the brunette. "I think that falls under the 'or something' category. Besides, a roach like Shima ain't got the balls nor the fire power to take me out, love." he assured him.

A war with the mafia was one thing that the Yakuza didn't need right now, that's for sure. If he didn't want his was handed to him, Shima would learn his place and behave himself.

"Russell, please, I'm being serious."

"And I'm damned tired of listening to you ramble on about that spineless, whiney, pale piece of Jap shit so either shut your fucking mouth hole about him or go to bed."

Yukio jolted at the violent flow of Russell's words, distancing himself to the other side of the bed. He seemed genuinely hurt, Russell had noted.

"...Pale piece of Jap shit..."

"...Shut your fucking mouth hole..."

Yukio cringed visibly, opting to turn and face the opposite wall instead of responding. Russell had never spoken to him that way, nor had he made such racist remarks that weren't light hearted like it was with his American friends.

The silence that followed was thick with unspoken confrontation. Russell felt a tad bit guilty with himself about raising his voice at Yukio the way he did, but he wouldn't apologize.

Yukio's emotion built up within him so quickly that he wasn't sure of what to feel, so he found himself stuck between wanting to break something and wanting to cry.

He needed a joint. Badly.