This Is Gospel (ShimaxYukio)

64. All I Could Do Was Cry

Kyle wondered where he went wrong in his life. He may not have been the perfect son but for all of his shortcomings, he was a good man. He didn't deserve the things that were happening to him. He didn't deserve to be forced to take over the shitty British mafia. He didn't deserve to be held at gunpoint by Ereka. He didn't deserved be kidnapped by Yama. He most certainly didn't deserve to be forced to watch the man that he had fallen in love with kiss another at the alter.

It hurt.

Why did it hurt so bad?

Part of him knew that it was his own fault. He knew that Renzo was to be married---that he had someone that he loved dearly but he thought that maybe...just maybe that Renzo liked him, too. That he cared about him even a little bit. So didn't he know that it would hurt, Kyle? To see another man happy with what should have been his happiness?

It sounded ridiculous; he knew that. He hadn't put in the hours or the effort. Maybe he actually was psychotic. You know what they say about apples and trees.

He wouldn't be sitting in one of Renzo's many bathrooms, bawling and cursing at his reflection in the mirror if he wasn't even just a little bit crazy. He wouldn't have come if he hadn't been held at gunpoint by Yama and told to distract him, but Kyle wasn't all too certain that he had the strength to face the pinkette. Not after watching him become so happy with someone else.

Still he sent Shima a text and told him to come to the 3rd bathroom on the first floor, one that was far enough away from the party that they wouldn't be caught but one that was also close enough to not be suspicious. The Yakuza member promptly sent him a 'be right there' and so Kyle was trying so very hard to pull himself together before he got there but when a light tapping sounded at the door, he realized that he had failed.

"Kyle?"

"M-Mhm?"

He took a sharp breath and sniffles at the time, resulting in a hiccup that he didn't mean to do. The doorknob jiggled a bit frantically.

"Kyle, are you crying? What's the matter, sweetie?"

You. You are the problem. I hate you.

"I-I-I----"

Deep breaths. He needed to calm himself.

"I'm okay."

"Bullshit. Open the door."

Kyle knows better than to make him wait so he unlocked the door and backed away so that he could come in. He held his head low, not wanting for Shima to see how much of a mess he was. He could hear Shima lock the door behind him.

"Kyle."

"Hm?"

"That's not how you answer me."

Kyle exhales a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding.

"Sir?"

Shima approached him and his shoes come into Kyle's view but the blonde still doesn't look up.

"Look at me, baby."

Kyle shook his head and Shima gripped his chin between his thumb and forefinger, gently coaxing him to raise his head and make eye contact. When he saw those red, puffy eyes and cheeks and that frown on Kyle's  face, Shima clicked his tongue at the blonde.

"You mean to tell me you're fine when you're like this?"

"I---"

"Hush, baby. Don't interrupt Daddy while he's talking; you know that."

Kyle's mouth snapped shut and he looked down at the tile again. "I don't like that you lied to me but I'm more concerned about your emotional well-being than that. So I want you to tell me what's bothering you, okay?"

Kyle gave him a forced smile. "I just missed you a lot." He breathed out, not even buying it himself. It was an obvious lie and he knew that at this point he would only annoy Shima but still---

"Uh-huh. So you're not crying because you forced yourself to come here today? You're not angry with me at all?"

Kyle's head snapped up and he shook his head in denial, tears falling at the accusation.

"No! No, I didn't force myself to---and I'm not mad, I'm just...I'm really jealous that someone else gets to have you and I can't!"

He clapped a hand over his mouth, embarrassed with himself for saying so much in the first place.

"No. Don't cover your mouth; let it out. Finish telling me your feelings, Kyle."

"I...wanted to be with you. More than just being someone that you have sex with sometimes. I really care about you and I admire you and I...I deserve to be happy too. So how come he gets to have you and I can't?"

He looked up Shima again, wanting to shrink into himself when he saw the impassive, almost cold look on Shima's place.

"I-I mean, I know I'm just some kid you do business with and it isn't my place but you asked so I---"

"That's enough talking, Kyle."

Again, Kyle kept himself quiet. He toyed with the hem of his dress shirt nervously as he waited for Shima to do something---to say something. After what seemed like forever, the pinkette let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't consider at all how all of this might affect you. This may have been a mistake from the jump. The thing is that...I don't love you. I like you---don't get me wrong. You're almost the perfect submissive. But Yukio has my heart."

"Yeah, I saw that."

"Don't get cheeky, you little shit. Let me finish."

Kyle bit the inside of his cheeks to help curb his smart-assness as Shima continued.

"You feel left out; I get that. I should have expected it, really. That's my fault for not seeing the signs. And you've been very good to me, taking care of Ereka like the sweet boy that you are---"

Yeah, let's not mention that he didn't actually do that.

"I you do deserve to be happy. I may not be able to give you my heart but if you want to be included more---if you think you can handle it---then I will talk to my Yuki about you being my long-term sub. You could teach him a thing or two."

The fact that Shima's initial reaction wasn't to degrade and belittle Kyle made his heart swell---this is why he was falling in love. Shima was honest with him and while that did hurt, he offered him a place in his life. For a moment, Kyle had forgotten why he was even there in the first place. He couldn't focus, not with Shima standing so close to him.

"O-Okay."

"Good boy. Let's clean that pretty face up, okay?"

#

Yukio was pretty sure that he was drunk, stumbling through the hallway in search of his husband as the party raged on behind him. He wouldn't be surprised if everyone passed out in the ballroom that night. They had enough space for them to crash and then leave in the morning---save for the priest who had already taken his leave.

"Reeennnn~~~"

The megane slurred, staggering around and trying to grip the wall for balance. He giggled to himself, tripping over his own feet when I pair of strong arms wrapped around him. His giggle turned into a laugh as he looked up, his own eyes locking with crystalline blue.

"Oi, it's Yama~" the brunette snorted. The dark man didn't relinquish his hold on him, chuckling against his ear. "That's right, it's me. Where are you staggering off too, little one?" He asked. Yukio hiccuped, clutching at Yamantaka's arm as the room began to tilt. "I wers lerkin' fer Reeeeeen. Can ya take me to em?"

Yama laughed above him, a glint in his eyes as he smiled that devilish smile of his.

"I sure can. Watch your step, alright lovely?"