This Is Gospel (ShimaxYukio)

26. It's Okay Not To Be Okay

"Congratulations!"

Arisawa obviously wasn't ready the mood in the room. Rin's head was spinning, and Ling looked like he had pissed himself.

There was such an ominous aura around Bon that he practically accumulated black clouds over his head. There was silence for a long while, and Arisawa laughed nervously.

"I get the feeling that this isn't such a happy occasion. I'm sorry, it's just that you two were so happy about your first two---"

"It's not you, doc, really. It's just..."

We have no idea who it belongs to...

#

The ride home was silent. Yukio insisted that he stick around a while longer, just to make sure that Rin was okay. He helped him inside and put him into bed, gently squeezing his hand. Rin didn't respond, just staring at the wall.

"Rin...are you okay?"

Still nothing.

It wasn't long before Shima walked in. He had originally come to to pick up Yukio, but upon hearing the news, he decided to check up on Rin. "Hey, gorgeous, how ya feeling?" he greeted, rubbing Rin's shoulder. Rin cut his eyes over at him but said nothing, returning his gaze to the wall shortly after. He pressed his lips together, leaning down to kiss Rin on the head. "It's gonna be okay. Call us if you need anything." he said, patting Yukio on the back to let him know that they would be taking their leave. Yukio kissed Rin's cheek and squeezed his hand one last time, saying goodbye to the kids on his way out. Bon scooped both of the kids into his arms.

"Okay kiddos. Mommy needs peace and quiet and it is already past your bedtime." He said, receiving yawns in response. He looked over at Ling, who seemed just as horrified as Rin did. He was still a teenager. He wasn't ready to be a father. That was the whole point of being gay; you could get a kid when you felt like it and not worry about accidents.

Unless you were sleeping with someone like Rin.

"I'm gonna go put the kids down for bed. Baths, brushing teeth, the whole nine. Keep an eye on him for me?"

"Of course." Ling said, turning his attention to Rin as Bon walked out. He could only imagine what Rin was feeling or even knew how to feel. He sat at his side, taking his burned hands in his, kissing his knuckles. However he may have felt personally, his only concern should have been about Rin's feelings.

"Something on your mind, love?"

"What do you think?" he answered dryly. Ling saw that coming, but the fact that he actually managed a response is a feat in itself. "Let's talk about it." he suggested. Rin let out a dry chuckle, shaking his head.

"Ling, please, leave me alone."

"You know just as well as I do that I will do no such thing. Don't I get any say in this?"

There was a chance after all that it was his kid.

"On the off chance that it even is your kid---"

"Off chances are still chances, my love. I'm being as patient as I can, but you're being awfully stubborn. Please, let's talk about this." he insisted again. Rin licked at his dry lips, shrugging. "Talk about it, then." He said, defeat written all over his face.

"Well for starters, I would like to know why you're so upset."

"...Nobody understands the hell that I went through with my first pregnancy. I don't wanna go through that again; I can't."

Okay. Understandable.

"But darling, things are different now than they were then. Are they not?" Ling reasoned. Rin shrugged, not really feeling up to the conversation right now. "If you don't want to keep it, I will understand and I'm sure that Ryuji will as well. We support you. And it is your body so it is your decision." Ling continued, though he really shouldn't have been making that choice for Bon. Rin looked over at him.

"And if I decide to keep it? You're still a kid. Your life shouldn't have to be on hold because---"

"Perish the thought, my love. It's just as much my fault as it is anyone else's. It wouldn't be any different than it is now, except for the fact that I would be a permanent part of this family. Even if it isn't mine, I'm here to stay. As I said before, I'm sure that Suguro feels the same."

And then Rin started crying.

And when I say crying, I mean bawling hysterically.

He was babbling incoherently and Ling didn't really know what to do, so he wrapped his arms around the raven and shushed him, gently rubbing his back to get him to calm down. Everything would be okay. Rin could count on that.

#

Yukio had been silent the entire night. He hadn't felt much like talking...not to Shima, anyway. The pinkette seemed to notice and was adamantly trying to spark conversation with him. "You think your brother will eventually be okay with the idea of another baby?" he asked. Yukio shrugged. "Maybe. Think it was just shock that was bothering him more than anything." He said, ending the conversation there as he crawled into the other side of the bed. He was making an effort not to get too close to Shima.

"How do you feel about kids?"

"They're nice."

"Maybe we should have some soon? I feel like we'd be great parents."

"..."

"You don't think so?"

Yukio suddenly snapped. "You honestly think that it would be wise to bring a child into this? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

Shima was taken back by the 360° on Yukio's attitude. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, genuinely confused. Yukio looked at him incredulously. "Because having murderers and schizophrenic psychopaths for parents is an ideal life for a child."

Shima choked on his own spit.

"Murderer?"

"I call a spade a fucking spade, Renzo."

"You've got some fucking nerve."

"What, you gonna shoot me now?"

"What?! God, no, what the fuck is your problem?!"

"My problem is that you want to raise children up in the goddamn mafia! Not to mention that I don't know who the fuck I'm getting married to! Who are you?! How do I know that who I fell in love with isn't just a facade? I'm fucking drowning here, I can't take it anymore!"

Heavy silence descended on them after the outburst, and Shima wasn't sure of what to say. To be honest, Yukio made very valid points. His concerns were well placed.

"...Sit down, honey. Let's talk."

Yukio hadn't even realized that he was standing, breathing harshly. He took off his glasses as he shook his head, rubbing his face with his hand.

"I don't wanna talk because you're not gonna be honest with me."

"Sweetheart---"

"No more! No more of your gentle sins and you half lies..."

"I will tell you whatever you want to know. Okay? Just...please...sit down. I don't wanna lose you again, I just want you to be happy."

Yukio calmed himself, sitting back down once his head stopped spinning. Shima inches his way closer to him, lacing his fingers with his.

"Go ahead. Ask me whatever you want."

"I...just want to know who the real Renzo is."

Shima paused, looking up at the ceiling.

"Alright then. I'll start from the beginning..."