Long ago...

CHAPTER: 30 - The 'L' word

Sarah's prov.

So, I got a call from Phil this morning about me going over to his house today. To be honest, I'm dreading this....for the past week he would hit me at least twice for some reason I don't know of. You'd be surprised of how much make-up I went through from the amount I bought when I was at the mall with the girls, to now.
I got dressed in a nice white shirt, and some dark blue skinny jeans and my ankle high boots, and walked out the door after saying 'goodbye' to my parents and telling them where I was going.
I hopped on my bike and biked down to his house. I've been really careful with my moves lately when I go to see my friends so that Phil doesn't catch on to anything, and I think I'm doing a pretty good job. He didn't say anything about the mall meet up, and when I went to visit Jack at the hospital.
When I got there I tied my bike up to the staircase railing outside and walked up to knock, but he was already There.
"Hey Phil" I smiled
"hey beautiful" he replied and leant down and kissed me, then lead me into the house.
Sense it has been a few weeks of us dating now, I guess I'm fine with the odd kiss here and there from him...I mean, I have to be abit at least, if I am to convince him that I don't have a secret plan.
We started to walk up the stairs to go to his room when his grandfather called out "who's at the door!?"
"It's just Sarah" he responded and the noise of feet shuffling stopped for a minute and it was quiet...
"okay you two, carry on" he said finally and we continued up stairs.
I haven't seen his uncle around that much to be honest, and thats one reason why I am doing all of this, and when I ask about him Phil gets all worked up, which can be a bit scary sometimes.
When we got to his room, we just stared talking about random stuff, like what's all been going on within the time we hadn't seen each other, how we are feeling, blah blah blah, until we reached the conversation of my friends...
I told him they were doing good that I went to the Mall the other day with May and Jill but that's about it...at first at least.

"Thays good to hear that your getting out with your friends and they're doing good " he said with a smile,

"yea, it was nice seeing them again" I replied thinking back to those days.

I didn't tell Phil that I went to see Jack in the hospital a bit ago because I knew that would piss him off big time, and I did not want to be hit again.
The Dr. Said he was doing better and would be getting out within the next few days.

"How about Will, John and Jack? How are they doing" he asked

Now, belive me, I was shocked and it was visible,
"ahhummm....they're doing good, I think Will is good, haven't heard from him much, Jhon called me yesterday asking bout how everything was going because we don't talk much anymore, and he said that Jack was getting released from the Hospital soon" I tell him.
Though from when he asked to after I was finished his jaw was clenched tight.
"Have you seen Jack or John in person for yourself?" He asked the same way,

"no, I haven't, dont worry, I've learnt my lesson" I say to him and he goes quite for a minuet as he nods his head.

"No you haven't" he gritted,

"what??, what do you mean?" I asked trying not to sounds worried myself.

"I know" he said

"you know what??" I asked again

"that your lieing to me....I know that Jhon called you and I know you went to see Jack at the Hospital." He gritted out again this time looking dead straight at me.

"what do you mean?? I swear I wouldn't lie to you"

"Then Dont LIE TO ME SARAH!" he yelled this time,

He slammed his fist into the wall behind the couch we were sitting on, and i fliched backwards abit , I heard a little beep noise but ignored it thinking it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

"How do you know if I'm lieing to you or not??" I asked alittle freaked out to be honest,

"Sarah, surely you didn't think I wouldn't be watching you, making sure you were behaving???" Phil said smoothly and sickyly,

"YOU WERE WATCHING ME!?!?!" I yell, I can't belive him!

"Do you really have to ask that Sarah?? Because I'm sure you know the answer as to why... " he said now with abit of attitude mixed with the sickyly tone.

So, I knew his anger was rising, and I should stop, but watching me!? Are you kidding me!? No!

"Okay....I know, I promised....but I had to go see him.... especially after what YOU did to him! You put him in the freaking hospital Phil ! Why did you put us through all that...all of this!?" I yell back getting it almost all out, not even thinking.

"Because I F***en love you Sarah!" He admitted,

I stood there shocked at his words, as he looked shocked himself and turned away from me,
"yo-yo-you, love m-me??" I say bewildered,

If this is his idea of what love is, he needs some serious help...
He let out a deep breath of air, still looking away from me.

"Yes. I do Sarah. " as he finished he looked up to meet my eyes which probably didn't look inviting at all, when his looked so threatening yet vanurable....

"Bullsh!it" I say simply

"Bullsh!it?? You think I'm lieing now??"
He suggested anger rising fast from my response

"if all of this is your idea of F***en love!, then you need some serious help" I tell him,

His eyes turn a pitch black and you can almost see fury and fire in them...

"you F***en B!+ch!!" He yelled then slapped me hard across cross the face.

Ot was harder then most times and It made me spin and fall to the ground with a thud and I think my phone cracked in my back pocket as well!
I roll over from my side to my back with a hand on my cheek where he had hit me.
"abuse-isnt-love Phil." I grit out through the pain
"this isn't abuse Sarah, this is teaching a lesson to you!" He said breathing deeply
"you need some serious freaking help Phil" I say and instantly regretted it...
" I need help? I-need-help! Your the one who's gonna need some help here Sarah!" He said angrily he kicked me in the stomach and grabbed me by my upper arms yanking me up holding them tightly while glaring at me.
I looked away from him due to the intensity of his stare.
"I love it and hate it when we're together....I hate it because you always make me have to do this to you...but I love it for every other reason" he paused and I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat, "now get out! Hopefuly next time will be better." He said and hauled me towards his door and quietly down the stairs, then shoved me towards the door making my back slam against it and he caged me in with his arm on either side of me.
"I'll call you later...and be careful Sarah" he said more calmly this time, he them bent down and kissed me, it almost seemed like he felt sorry and didn't mean any of the pain he causes...but I know better,
" i-i love you" he says and honestly I just smiled and said "talk soon, bye" and left.