Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.02

I had stumbled upon his Tumblr account, there were of course no pictures of him. However, he did answer questions his fans made in his account, and well I saw a new side of him.

And it scared me.

It scared me because he was hanging by a thread.

The way he lived, the way he no longer wanted to live...it sort of broke me.

I wanted him to be happy, for us to share the same state of mind because...because of him I was finally doing okay. His music had evoked me.

And it worried me deeply the way he thought.

So, one night I decided to ask him something myself.

Why are you sad?

I clicked sent.

I wasn't expecting him to reply so soon because I mean it was Tumblr but I did get a response in the middle of the night.

-Because I'm depressed.

I recall rereading his answer over and over in my head, I had fallen asleep starring at the phone in both awe and shock. I wasn't sure why those three words had touched me so much that I kept on thinking to myself, how could I reach him?

Make him understand what he had saved me from, to cure the numb and give him a million reasons to live.

That morning I decided to ask him another question instead.

Could I give you a reason to want to live?

I didn't make my question anonymous though, and instead he messaged me directly.

How?

I gasped at the quick response.

You still have a lot to live for, for example one day in the near future I'll go to one of your shows and sing back the lyrics to one of your songs and maybe then the numb will just be just a passing phase.

Then I clicked send.

After that though, he never responded back.

Which was utterly depressing.

After a few weeks of him not replying I decided to go out with some friends to uplift my spirits. But just as I was heading out the door, crossing the lawn spotting my friend's car parked up front I heard someone shouting. 

I turned to the direction of the noise only to see a boy, in all black walking this way, fists on either side. I knew who he was, we'd gone to the same school together, but he hadn't seemed to notice me standing there and bumped my shoulder. 

"Sorry." I whisper. 

"Flor !Hurry up." Megan shouted. 

He turned to look at me but I quickly looked away from him and hurried off to her car. I could have sworn I heard him say something but I was too nervous to turn back around and look. "Let's go." I tell Megan. 

She rolls her eyes. "Your such a dork." She whispers, before pulling away from the parking and heading down the street.