Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.71

He accompanied me to my house, holding my hand we grabbed a few things I needed. X ignored my mom who stood in the doorway trying to convince me of how big of a mistake I was making.

Once I had packed up what I needed he took the bags. "Give me a minute." I say.

He looks at me weary at first before nodding and heading down the stairs first. Leaving me and my mom alone.

She watches me with a sad regretful expression, her eyes full of sadness.

"Don't go." She urges.

I cross my arms over my chest. "He isn't good for you-"

I cut her off. "That's enough!" I hiss. She looks at me startled by my reaction. "You've done enough." I whisper. "I really tried mamá, to understand you. But you keep pushing me away."

"I only want what's best for you." Her voice is gentle.

"What about what makes me happy? Doesn't that count?" I pause waiting for an answer but she doesn't give me one.

"Flor mija por favor." Her eyes flush with tears. "I only want to protect you."

I scoff shaking my head. "Protect me? You invited my rapist into our home! Into our lives! All to prove a dam point..." She gasps, taking a step back as she pressed a hand to her chest. "I never once blamed you for that. Never." I say. "So why should I blame him? I love him. I want to marry him some day...have his kids. You can be there abuela mamá." (Abuela= grandma)

"But not like this. Not the way you are now." She holds her hand out for me to take.

"Stay." She whispers. "Don't leave me alone too." She was referring to when my dad left us.

I shake my head. "I never would have left...but you gave me no other choice."

I attempt to walk past her when she grabs my wrist, falling to her knees sobbing. "I'm sorry mija, I was scared. Scared that you would leave me...you were always too beautiful not to have someone snatch you away so soon from me. I feared for you."

I look away to the other direction as she sobs. "I always feared for you. I have this feeling someone is going to take you away for good. I did what I thought was best...I'm sorry."

Her grip on my wrist loosens and once she drops her hand from mine I rush down the stairs.

I don't look back and instead put as my distance between me and this nightmare, seeking refuge into his arms as he plants a kiss on my forehead. "It's okay." He whispers. "Your okay."

I look into his eyes reassuring myself that nothing else was going to go wrong, we both made that pledge to be together no matter what. "Let's go home." X says.

I nod, burying my face into his chest.

Those days were quiet.

Days I spent in his house were as if we were making up for all the lost time. Time that had slipped past our fingers.

"Oooo ya that's how you move." Jahseh says with a laugh as he twirled me with one hand and I rocked my hips against the beat of the music.

He twirled me back into his arms where I stayed for a while as he nuzzled his face against my neck. "Did you mean that?" He asks me breaking the silence.

"Hmm?"

"When you said you wanted to marry me and have my kids."

I feel the swarm of butterflies invade my stomach. "Yes." I half whisper.

He laughs. "Your mom is going to hate me even more."

I shake my head. "But I don't care." X says. "Let the world hate me...wish I was dead...as long as your the only person who doesn't I could care less."

"I'll always love you." I tell him.

He moves his lips against my neck, placing a soft kiss against my skin. "I love you." He whispers.

We stay there for a while longer until the sun begins to set. That's when we walk up stairs to the room and I wait for him as he showers.

My mind was all over the place but most of all I was so terribly nervous. It was becoming a habit of mine to wonder if maybe tonight was when he would finally give in to the tension that builds between us when he kisses me.

I hear the water stop and that's when I lay on the bed and pulled the covers up. A few minutes later, the door opened and X walked in with a towel around his waist. He walked toward the cupboard to grab boxer shorts as he usually did, and afterwards he came directly toward the bed. When he reached for the towel, I averted my eyes and turned on my other side, my back toward him. He lifted the blanket and the mattress shifted under his weight. He pressed up against me, his hand curled over my hip as he turned me toward him.

My mind screamed at me to stop him. He was almost completely naked and something in his eyes was different. He pressed me closer to him. I put my hand over his.

"Jah-," I whispered.

His eyes met mine. I relaxed slightly. "I want to hold you."

I swallowed. "Only hold me?" I tried to mask my disappointment.

"I swear," his voice was soft.

And he did, he held me to him and I fell asleep in his arms. And for the first time in what felt like forever my heart felt at ease as he held me. What helped more was hearing hum against my ear as his fingertips brushed my skin.

So this is what true love felt like.

-tbc-