Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.38

As I lay there, I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized. I couldn't remember how long it had been since the sun had settled and the darkness shadowed every inch of here. Was it always so dark here at night?  

Someone was shouting my name.  I thought about answering, but I was dazed, and it took a long time to come to the conclusion that I should answer. By then, the calling had stopped. I twisted in the spot I was at. 

I felt heavy, in pain, but most of all scared. 

I wanted to die then, every part of me craved it. 

To rid myself of this disgust. 

I forced myself up off the ground reaching for my phone and purse. I carried one foot after the other as I tried to suppress the memories of what had happened. My cheeks were wet with tears again, walking became hard to do. I had to press the palm of my hand onto my chest to try and fill my lungs with air. 

"Flor!" A familiar voice shouted acknowledging that I had been found. 

By the time he closed the gap and caught me in his arms I was already towards the point of breaking down. Especially when those eyes wandered over me, realizing, no, taking in what had happened. 

"No." X mumbles. 

The anger, pain, and sadness overwhelms his features. He's looking at me with eyes full of sadness, unable to speak. I raise a hand to his face, caressing it all the while a soft smile settles on my lips. "You found me." I murmur. 

My hand reaches for his bracelet. X pulls his hand back and shakes his head, "I didn't make it." His voice cracks. 

"X!" I heard a few more voices calling out after him but he ignores them and continues to look at me. 

"I'm so sorry Flor." My eyes widen as I see the tears run down his cheeks and without another word he pulls me against his chest, burying my face against him as I hear him sob. "Why?" He demands. 

He's rocking me in his arms back and forth all the while breaking down and I can't help but break down too. 

Somehow why did it feel like everything was just going to get worse? 

I felt myself being pulled away from X. I heard the sound of an ambulance approaching while X kept his eyes on me, his lips sealed shut and eyes full of tears. I reached for him again wanting to somehow get through to him. 

He lifted us both off the ground, my face hidden in his chest while he walked me over to the ambulance. "We'll take her from here." I heard one of the paramedics say. 

"What happened to her?" One of them asked. 

I flinched against X, I felt him stiffen too. "She..." He paused, the sob was building up again. "She-" He couldn't finish his sentence. 

"It's okay kid. We'll make sure she's fine." Pulling me away from him as they set me onto a gurney my eyes locked with X. 

He was watching me in silence and I was watching him back. 

My heart was throbbing in pain. 

And X had to look away from me and bury his head against Rocky's chest as he sobbed. I've never seen X cry before, but the sight of him like that made me feel like I never wanted to see him that way again. 

Love was sad and painful. 

"Okay we're all set." The paramedics start to load me into the ambulance. I twist in my seat and my hand reaches out for X.

He doesn't see it though but I watch with sad eyes as he collapses onto the floor on his knees.

We were foolish at that time, blinded by everything around us enough to believe that our love could outlast forever....