Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.72

It was always bright.

Whenever I was with him, life seemed far less gloomy. The dull colors of the world were now filled with light.

Even the little spaces held no darkness.

I started to smile more, slowly sinking back into the comfort of having him in my life.

I stare at him from a distance and all I can think is i love him, I love him, I'll always love him.

In the littlest of things my heart swayed for him. When he held out a bouquet of flowers for me, those white flowers he said I reminded him of when he came back from the studio and handed to me. "I found these." He lies.

I could only smile and take them in my hands, trying to hide my blushing cheeks.

There we're days when he would ask me something I had asked him long ago. "Are you happy?"

Brushing a hand down his cheek I stare deep into his eyes. "You are my world Jahseh Onfroy."

And then he'd kiss me.

Kiss me like the world was about to end because in some alternate universe a version of ourselves might have been experiencing that exact thing.

There were nights when the nightmares would come, I'd be gasping for air and he'd shake me awake alarmed. "It's okay." He urged, running a hand up and down my back as he held me to him. "I'm here." He whispers. "That person can't hurt you." He assures.

And I'd sink into his arms, inhaling his scent remembering that it was all in the past now, somewhere far behind us.

X wasn't gone anymore.

He was here holding me, kissing me, whispering how much he loves me. And that's all that mattered then.

As I watched myself in the mirror holding him, I'd wipe the blood from my lip wondering how it gotten there. But I ignored it, pretending it was from how hard I had coughed when gasping for air, how I must have bitten my lip somehow.

Instead I closed my eyes and fell back asleep, holding him.

*   *    *    *    *     *     *      *      *     *     *

"You look beautiful Flor." Jahseh's mother tells me, as she hands me a gift.

"Thank you." I say, taking the bag from her.

"I told him he didn't have to do this." I tell her feeling embarrassed.

She laughs. "He missed your birthday, two of them. He'd been telling me on the phone how he wanted to make it up to you."

I blush shaking my head. "As long as we're together I'm fine."

She smiles. "I'm happy for you two. I feel more at ease now. Since your back I don't have to worry about him so much." She paused, her eyes looking off in the direction where Jahseh was playing with his little brother.

He was currently teaching him how to throw a football properly. He looked like he'd make a great dad. The thought sent butterflies through my stomach.

X a dad, the father to my child...how beautiful of a thing could that be.

"I use to stay up so many nights trying to reason with him. Trying to get through to him how important his life is. But now that he has you I don't think he'll think about that any time soon." She grins. "You don't have to worry about anything either, he'll protect you. Always. He'd rather hurt than see you hurt."