Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.68

I stayed locked in my room, time was passing but I remained numb to the changes around me. I wasn't sure what part of me was broken but I just felt completely lost within.

I cried for days and nights, sometimes I would just stare at the necklace he'd given me.

I finally listened to his music again, something I had prevented myself from doing just so I would be able to move on, to forget, but now as I heard every word, emotion, I came to realize how much he was standing close to the edge.

With just a push he'd fall over into the pit of darkness that was swallowing him whole.

Life, love, happiness...it was all meaningless at this point to him.

I realized then as I stayed locked up in my room how much of me missed him, his smile, his touch, his voice, the way he looked at me, or how he held me in his arms with such gentleness as if he was afraid to hurt me, afraid I'd break.

But I was broken.

The damage was done.

I needed help, we both did.

But I needed him the most. Yet for some reason at the back of my mind somewhere deep in my heart Scar would appear, trying to hold me in place, to keep me together. But the bandages won't hold.

I had made up my mind once again.

Knowing what I knew now, I wanted to try and see once more if maybe just maybe we could be something beautiful.

Was I being a fool?

Would I regret this?

Did it mean I would lose something in its place? Yes, but at least I would know I tried with all my heart to love him, him who believed no one could, no one would.

But I did.

I still do.

And then there was this, this moment of silence between us both as we watched one another, his gaze fixated on my swollen eyes. I could see how much he hated to see me this way.

He kept driving, not bothering to look my way as we headed the rest of the way to wherever it was he wanted to go. The drive felt like it would never end but as he drove he blasted the music as loud as it would go, I had to press my hands over my ears to block the noise out.

"Scar." I say, but of course he wouldn't be able to hear me.

"Scar!" I say louder, still nothing.

And then he comes to a sudden halt, my body moves forward with brute force because of his sudden braking. His heart was pounding in his chest as he kept his gaze ahead, I removed my hands from my ears as I watched him.

He finally turned and looked at me, he took my hand in his, holding it out in front of him for me to see. "I can't do this anymore."

My hand tenses up in his, the look in his eyes grows sadder, what was I doing to you? I continue to keep my gaze locked with his trying to understand what was going through his head.

"If only maybe I could have met you first...than this conversation would be a whole lot different love."

I stare at our hands, "I can't wait for you forever, wish I could but...you know."His voice fades.

He was making it easy for me, easy for me to choose.

He gives my hand a squeeze before dropping it. "I'm leaving you." He whispers. "Not the other way around...I swear love, if he makes you cry...if he takes you for granted...I'll steal you away." He promises.

He was letting me go.

I nod, not being able to speak a word as the guilt washes over me. Scar didn't deserve someone like me...

"I'm sorry." I say. "I tried, I tried with all my heart to forget...but I can't forget that person." I raise my hand and press it against his chest feeling his heartbeat against my palm. "Forget me, please?"

He grabs my hand with both of his, holding them, "I wish..." He pulls me into his arms now, holding me tightly against him.

I remember feeling disgusted with myself, I was hurting someone who didn't deserve it, I wished then that he was the one saying those words to me.

I rather be the one whose hurting than hurting him.

"I will stay here for about two more weeks before I leave to Cali. If you don't come then I'll know for sure...but pick what makes you happy, love."

He pulled away and placed a small kiss on my forehead, he squeezed my shoulders, looking me in the eyes as he pressed something cool against the palm of my hand.

"Be happy." Scar whispers.

I nod, clutching what he's given me in my hands, I knew what it was without having to look at it.

The pearl necklace.

A few days ago

They were watching him as he waited in silence demanding answers. Scar stood in the living room, hands bawled to fists. "I want the truth." He says.

Both Megan and Rose (Flor's mother) look at him shocked. "I thought you knew-" Megan begins. "She didn't tell you?"

Scar shook his head confused. "No."

"The reason they broke up...why they aren't together...it's bad isn't it?" Scar asks.

Flor's mom looks away, her eyes wet with tears.

Megan sighs, closing her eyes for a moment before she opens them and finally says, "She was-"

I could only watch him, "Go." He says.

He unfastens my seat belt, "Before I regret it." His shoulders slouch and with tears my eyes I look away.

"I'm sorry." I whisper as I pull the door open and stumble to the outside.

With a few feet of distance between us I look around to where I am. I gasp, a hand covering my mouth.

Why did he bring me here?

I turn catching his eyes, he stares at me for a long second before pressing on the gas and speeding off.

-tbc-

- Is this the last we'll see of Scar?-