Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.24

My head was spinning and I was in pain, my body felt sore all over. 

X didn't say anything else the further down he walked, he was silent. I wondered if it might have been because he'd seen Vena. I didn't ask him anything though, I stayed silent too and just watched him. 

He entered a room and walked over to the bed where he sat me down. I stare at the ground once I'm sitting, looking at my hands not sure of what to do. My eyes widened when I see him kneel in front of me looking at my face. 

He glanced up at me, his gaze roaming over my face  when he looked at me like that I was afraid of what I saw in his eyes. They roam over my lips slowly and thoroughly. His gaze felt like hands roaming over my skin, leaving it hot and tingling. 

 My muscles locked into place, I gripped my hands as I felt a hand glide over the skin of my cheek. I could see the anger in his eyes slowly subside and pain took over his features. Pain and regret. "Cowards." He mutters. 

I pull my face from his hand looking away. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle seeing him right now. It hurt to look at him, hurt because of how much I cared about him and how much I wanted to hold him to me. I wasn't sure of what X wanted, I wasn't sure if I was anywhere in that list. 

He confused me, confused me so much. I was starting to realize that every single thing I did with myself was in hopes he'd notice me, hoping that somehow through this mess he would look at me and one day think maybe he should give us a chance. 

I heard him sigh, his voice fills the void in my head. "I tried to stay away from you." His words sounded dark. I look down at him as he was staring up at me. The pained expression on his face made my heart ache.

"That first night I looked at you... I mean really looked at you, at that party. I was fucked." He let out a hard bitter laugh. "But because I knew. I knew you'd get under my skin. I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. And then I found out you listened to my music and how much you loved it and by then I was done for." He paused. "But I just couldn't do it."

"What is so wrong with you liking me?" I asked, needing him to at least answer me that.

X was quiet for a moment, his eyes were still as they watched me. "Because no one's ever really cared about me." I swallow. "They only come into my life for a reason, use me and then toss me aside." Every word from his mouth sounded like it was being ripped from him.  

He reached up, brushing my hair from the side of my neck and then pressed a kiss to the curve of my shoulder. "Please Flor make it easy on us both." He pulls away locking eyes with me. "Let's end this." 

Startled by his words I look at him in shock. I wasn't sure if he was just saying that for our sake's but nothing about him and I being together made me believe it was wrong. Even if it was full of mistakes I was willing to take the risk because I...

"I can't." I whisper. 

His eyes waver. "I won't." I clarify. "I care about you too much." I whisper. My hands reach for him, cupping his cheek. "I'll show you through time." 

X shook his head, pulling away from me. "No." 

My hand drops back to the bed. "X." 

"I'm sorry Flor." He turns to leave, and as I stare at him walking for the door I felt the pain in my chest build up. It was at that instant that I buried my face into my hands and sobbed. I hadn't realized how much pain I was in, it was only until then that I noticed. 

I thought X had left but to my surprise I felt his hands cup mine pulling my face away until I was looking right at him. He bit his lip, "I think I like you Flor," He stops, his eyes wandering over my face. "A lot." 

A sob escapes my lips. "Your the first." I mumble. 

He leaned into my face planting a small kiss on my lips. "You belong to me now, no one else." 

I think I cried even harder then, I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing and what my eyes were watching. 

X would be my first. It just felt right. Inside I knew he was meant to be the guy that taught me about life. Even if he broke my heart eventually. I wanted to be a turning point in his life and maybe someday his wife.

I slipped my hands around his neck and pressed my forehead to his. "Don't betray me." He whispers, wrapping his arms around me. 

"You'll always protect me, right?" I ask. 

His hold on me tightens. "No one will ever hurt you." He promised, and the me then believed him.