Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.69

It took time for me to look for him. My heart wanted to fully understand what it was that I was doing.

How much I was putting at risk.

But as I stood outside where he was time felt like it was running out.

I recognized his motorbike outside his house, no one was guarding the door so it was an easy access for me to step inside.

I checked the lock, oddly for some reason it wasn't. I pulled the door open stepping inside.

It was quiet, except for the sound of my heels echoing through the place. It's been so long since the last time I was here, I couldn't even remember.

And then I heard the sound of piano being played, a voice I recognized singing.

There was no emotion in his voice, there was more of an emptiness to it. The closer I drew the softer his voice sounded as I climbed the steps to his room.

There were a bunch of empty champagne bottles on the ground, I saw him, the back of him as he pressed the keys of the piano.

I'm not sure he knew I was here or that someone else was besides him. I was so nervous that I could feel my cheeks turning red.

But there he was, just like the guy from my memories. I kept thinking I was never going to see him again, in fact I swore it.

I stood there for a second, watching him feeling all the memories rush over me.

The day I first saw him at school, I remember how he always seemed to catch my attention. Something about the way he looked, that deep longing in his eyes or the emptiness that seemed to reflect in them.

Those times when we would walk the same way back home without speaking to eachother, just watching him wondering what was going through his mind.

I had yet to know how much sadness dwelled in his heart...how much anger.

His refusal in love, in believing that someone could fall deeply and whole heartedly in love with him. I wanted to prove to him that love was real, that my heart wouldn't betray his...

But look at all that's happened.

I swallow my fear, guilt, and take those last few steps.

Holding my breath I take the seat beside him on the bench, pressing some keys along with him, hands trembling. "Why are you here?" He asks with a soft voice.

I wondered what version of him I was going to get today. Surprised by his gentle voice I relaxed more. It felt like I was sitting beside him the real him, the one I'd fallen in love with.

"You know why." I whisper, he throws an arm around my shoulder scooting closer besides me as he pressed the keys.

"Don't you hate me?" He asks, I could hear the pain in his voice...how worried he was. If only he knew.

I stopped pressing the keys my hands hovering over them instead, shocked by his question. I bit my lip and shook my head, no.

"Why?" He asks. His hands press against my own, guiding me through the keys as he plays. I could feel his breath against my neck, could hear the way his voice trembled in fear, could feel his heart racing as he pressed against me.

"Your supposed to be happy with someone else...your supposed to be living your life with someone else and forgetting all about me." His words are rushed, but after a moment he sighs pressing his head against mine.