Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.20

I was breathless by the time I reached his place. My feet were dragging me to the door, my hands clamped over the knob twisting it not sure it would pull itself open but surprisingly it gave way.

I stumbled inside, my heart still beating fast my eyes wandering through the halls. I pressed a hand to my chest scanning my surroundings trying to make out any sound. Anything that could lead me to him.

Clash!

I jumped at the sound of something loud smashing what I could guess was the wall. Swallowing my fear I followed the sounds. Not sure of what awaited me or what I'd see I held my breath, keeping myself at bay knowing that whatever lied between me and that door was probably something I'd never see again.

I heard another smash followed by what sounded like glass break, "X!" I shouted worried. I dashed into the room, my eyes wide.

He had his back facing me, fists were clenched at his sides. I stared at him wondering if he'd heard me call his name. Cautiously I took my first step, the floor creaking beneath me. "X?" I repeated.

His blonde black dreads were covering his eyes, most of his face was hidden beneath them. "Why are you here?" I could hear the anger in his voice.

I felt my heart clench. "I was worried about you."

"No one cares." He states bluntly.

I shake my head, no. "X that isn't true." I took another step.

I see him flinch, "I can't believe it, I'm a fool..."

"X, please."

He took a deep breath. "It just proves it you know?" He continues ignoring me. "No one gives a shit. Not unless you have the money or you're dead." I felt my heart throb at the word dead, I blurred the image out my mind.

"I care," I whisper. "So much."

"Don't." He warns.

I don't listen to his threat but instead, I cross the distance between us and gathering all the courage in the world as I hugged him from behind, my face nuzzling into his back. He stiffened at my touch, his breathing was heavy but slowly his muscles began to relax and breathing return to normal.

"I'm no good for you." He says. "I just ruin everything."

"Well, I have a habit of making the best of ruined things." I measure my words. Somehow wanting to reach his thoughts, to pull him away from whatever trance he was in. "You're the best thing that's happened to me," I confess. "How can you say your no good, when all you've done is be good to me?"

He shook his head, not wanting to hear my words. He steps away from my hold but this time he turned around and faced me. "I fuck everything up." His eyes wavered as they looked into mine. "Stay away from me."

"No," I mumble.

"You and I are too different!" he said grimly. "You're good but I'm not." His answer confused me. I stared at him, trying to understand what he meant. His eyes gave no answer he only stared back coldly.

"What are you doing?" I ask confused.

"Just leave." He says. "Get out."

I swallow, whatever courage I had left in me suddenly disappeared when those cold eyes were directed towards me. "I thought we could-" He cuts me off.

"Just leave me alone!" I stumble back at the sound of his words, my back hitting his cabinet.

His cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, trying to sort out why he was looking at me in that way.

"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded.

"No."

Again no emotion, no hint of regret as they leave his lips. I heard what sounded like a sob and suddenly the tears running down my cheeks alarmed me. That sound came from me?

X's eyes widen in shock, his anger sways and he stumbled towards me losing his footing as he closed the gap. He presses himself against me, his forehead pressed against mine his heavy breath echoing in my ears. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

I bit my bottom lip. "I won't hurt you Flor, you're the only girl I won't hurt." He paused. "Because you're special to me."

I feel his hands on either side of my face forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I won't take that innocence from you."

"But I-"

He shook his head. "We won't happen. I won't let it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared of you. You're not like the rest of them." I stifle a sob.

"I'm mad at myself, mad at the fact that I could care less she did that to me...because you're always on my mind." His voice wanes. "Why are you always in my head?" He demanded. "I'm trying my best to keep you out."

I shake my head. "Don't."

He smiles. "You're too good for me Flor...too good to be true." I try reaching for him out of desperation, trying my best to show him how much of me cared about him, how much of me longed for him to hold me in his arms.

I wanted to take all his pain away, I wanted to get rid of his hurt. What Vena had done was horrible, she'd proven to him what he had thought all along that love wasn't true that no matter how many times you'd say it that other person wouldn't mind betraying you.

And here I was defeated.

My hands growing limp at my sides as he steps away from me. Looking at me for one last time he stepped out the room and left me there, all alone.

And as I stood there I wondered was this the end of our beginning?

-Trying to prove to someone who doesn't believe in love that you love them is hard, especially if that person is X-