Why She Stayed (xxxtentacion)

X.74

"The pains have been getting worse?" The doctor asks. 

My eyes stared at the singular space between the white sheets, pinching my thighs as I thought carefully to myself. "Yes." I whisper. 

"Hmm." He leaned back in his chair as he examined my file. "Shortness of breath is often a sign of anxiety..." He paused. "Since when did it start?" 

I looked up at him, knowing I was going to have to start from the beginning if he wanted to know that much about me. 

+ + + 

He prescribed me a stronger dose of medication as I left the office.

"Look I'm going to be honest here. You need to take better care of yourself. Need to surround yourself around calm quiet places."

I nod, clenching the pills in my hands. "It could be something simple as anxiety, we can run some blood tests if you'd like but that should be something we take care of if the symptoms get worse."

"I'll keep that in mind." I tell him.

"Flor you seem like a very sweet girl, I'm sure there are people around you who wish for you to get better. Keep that in mind as you avoid things that might put you at risk for a panic attack."

It was a few more minutes of us talking before I finally left and it didn't take long for X to call.

"What he tell you?" X asks me over the phone. 

I shrugged, "I'm fine. Just need to calm my anxiety a bit."

I hear him sigh with relief. "So nothing that makes your heart race?" He asks.

"Basically." I mumble.

"So basically avoiding me in general and no sex." I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

I laugh. "You over exaggerate."

"Flor you practically fainted the last time we did it in the shower."

My eyes widen and I blush at the memory. That day was wild, he was so different, doing it with him in that shower was a whole other experience. Something straight out of a kinky book.

"Not helping." I comment.

I can practically see him smirking at the memory of us. "Ill see you soon." He tells me.

"Okay." I tell him.

*     *     *     *    *     *     *     *      *     *   *

"Let's go for a ride?" He asks.

I raise my brows. "You do anything crazy-" I was about to threaten him when he plants a kiss on my lips.

"I want to show you something." He says.

I nod, breathless from the kiss.

I climbed after he did without so much of a doubt this time.

“Hang on,” he shouted, and released the clutch. The bike rumbled beneath me, my arms and thighs gripping him intimately.

I didn't wear a helmet this time, instead I looked up at the sky, watching the stars as my hair blew in the wind.

I want to feel this way forever.

We passed the familiar shops, our old high school, the only church where everyone went to, the park and with each passing my mind could pin point places I had seen Jahseh, before we had even met.

He usually kept to himself but his name was always mentioned at school. One thing everyone knew of for sure was that no matter what he never took crap from anyone no matter who it was.

He was feared.

He was fearless.

And he was mine.

I had been watching the sky for so long that when he slowed down and came to a complete stop I had no clue where we were.

He hops off first, offering his hand for me as I got off. "I know here is the last place you want to come to." He tells me.

I look around, pausing as a shiver runs down my spine. "Why?" I ask him.

He squeezed my hand reassuringly. "I don't want this place to become something you hate." He says.

I step towards the field, some parts were still black from the fire but the rest...the rest was beautiful.

I let go of his hand as I take a step towards it, my hands grasping the new set of flowers that bloomed in place of the old.

As if the past was a mere memory to what a future could hold.

I turn back looking at him, "It's not so scary anymore." I say with tears in my eyes.

He closes the gap pulling me into his arms. I slowly raise my arms to hold him back, hesitant at first but feeling his heart beat against mine was such a calming feeling. "When I burnt this-" X paused. "I wanted to burn that memory, to erase that it ever happened. I passed by here everyday and I could see it, and I fucking hated it."

I hold him tighter. "So I came, and burned as much as I could. I didn't expect for it to turn out like this. Just like I thought you wouldn't still have feelings for me...but you always proved me wrong."

He laughs lightly, "It was so stupid." He says.

I shake my head, pulling back. "No, I'm okay." I say.

With a sincere smile on my face. "I'm fine now." I promised. "Everything is going to be okay, from now and forever, until we can grow old."

He chuckles. "You better not regret what you just said."

I press a small kiss on his lips. For a moment longer we stay there before he picks a flower for me and puts it behind my ear.

"Flor." He says my name

"Hmm?"

"Te amó."

-tbc-