Fixing Me ∞ Hood

Chapter 9 - Talking

Jordan's P.O.V

There was a light knock at my door and I'm pretty sure I know who it's going to be, but I'm not sure whether I want to talk to him.

"Yeah?" I called.

The door opened and Calum poked his head around it. "Can I come in?" He asked quietly.

"Sure." I mumbled shortly.

Closing the door quietly behind him and walked over to the window seat where I'm sitting. It's one of my favourite parts of this room.

Calum stood awkwardly at the opposite end of the window seat, playing with his fingers. It's quite a big window, so the seat under it is long enough to fit both of us. Calum's awkwardness starting making me feel awkward, I really do want to hang out with him and talk to him, but I don't know whether I can trust him.

I sighed. "You can sit down, Calum. I'm not going to eat you."

He chuckled nervously. "Right."

The fact that I'm making him nervous makes a smile creep onto my lips, but I quickly push it back. He continued to fiddle with his fingers for a while, and I hate how awkward it is between us. I don't particlarly want to become close friends with him, but I still don't want it to be awkward.

I only snapped at him because I can't let him in. From what I've seen, he's quite a nice guy and I guess that if I were normal, I'd like him. But since I'm not normal, I can't get close to him, so I guess I can't like him.

I continued looking out the window, even when Calum started talking, not wanting to feel empathy as he apologised or whatever he is about to do.

"Look, Jordan, I don't know whether you're pissed or angry at me or something, but I've decided that I'm going to stand my ground and not apologise for what I did. I don't think that there is anything to apologise for. I did what I thought was right. I couldn't let Maria talk to you like that, no one deserves that."

Calum stopped and waited to see whether I'd respond, which I didn't, so he continued.

"I still don't understand why you would be pissed at me, but I know that what I did was right. And I know that you liked that I stood up for you, because you've never had that before. But I want to be the one that you know you can talk to because you trust me. Nobody deserves to be alone. I understand that you feel confused right now, I would too if I were you because you don't know whether you can trust us.

I want to help you, and I don't care if you don't trust me. I don't care what childhood you've had. I don't care about the people who have hurt you. I don't care about what could happen, I care about what will happen. And I know that we can help you, if you let us in. If you just give us a chance, and this could work. I want to get to know you and I want you to grow to trust me. You don't need to be scared around me."

He took in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he looked at me, expecting me to say something, but I can't find anything to say. How am I suppose to try and push Calum away when he says things like this?

He's such a nice guy, so far, which is something I'm not use to. Despite his kindness I'm still scared that if I let him in, or anyone else, every wall that I have tried so hard to build up over the years will just come crumbling down. If that happens, I won't be able to cope. So yes, I guess am I scared.

I still haven't said anything and it's been a good few minutes, but Calum is definitely patient. He stared at me the whole time, giving me time and seeing whether I was going to say anything. Which I'm not going to.