Fixing Me ∞ Hood

Chapter 27 - Heartbreak

Calum’s P.O.V

Should I call out to her? Should I run up to her? Should I just wrap my arms around her waist and plead with her to come home with me so that I can fold my body around hers and know that she is mine? The problem is… she isn’t mine. I don’t think she’s anyone’s… the only thing that owns her is fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of life. Fear of falling. Fear of loving. Fear of anything that makes her who she truly is. 

I so desperately want to grab her and kiss her so passionately that she won’t be able to tell me no… so passionately that she’ll have to fall for me as much as I’ve fallen for her. But I want to know where she’s going at a time like this. So, I stay quiet. We weren’t that far from our house, we could easily get home by walking 10 minutes.

The girl that I am so completely and truly in love with is right there, just a few metres in front of me. She’s so close… but so far away. She could be standing right in front of me, but she’d still be out of my reach. Whenever I think I have her, she just slips through my fingers. And I’m scared that if something doesn’t change soon, she’s going to slip through her own fingers. Yet, it’s those exact fingers that she has me wrapped around. She has me wrapped around her finger. I’ll admit it, she does. I’d do absolutely anything for her… I’d leap in front of a bullet for her. But I don’t know whether she’d do the same. I still have the hollow feeling in my chest, my throat was sore from crying and my muscles were tired, but I don’t want anything to happen to Jordan. If she needs help, I’ll be here, right behind her… like I always will. My cheeks still would have been wet from tears, but the cold wind has dried them onto my skin. Jordan is the first girl I’ve ever loved. This is the first time I’ve been in love. This is the first time my heart has been truly broken… shattered. This is the first time I’ve truly been heartbroken. I know these feelings aren’t just a crush, I know they’re not. So, I’m not giving up. I’m going to fight for Jordan. I don’t care if it only causes me more heartbreak… she’s worth fighting for.

I slowed down my pace as Jordan came to a stop at the beginning of a path that leads down to the beach. I frowned and stayed on the other side of the road so that she wouldn’t see me. If she doesn’t do anything in the next few minutes, I’m going to go over there and talk to her. I need to tell her how I feel, I need to get it all out there. Every single thing. No regrets and no going back. I just need to tell her so that she knows. But I started feeling regret sooner than I thought… regret for not telling her sooner as it felt like I was going to lose her tonight. 

I watched, confused, as a group of drunk-looking teenagers walked past Jordan, but one stopped.

“Jordan?” The boy asked.

Fuck, I know that voice. I’d know that voice anywhere. Hayden Marlo. The asshole of the school… well, to the boys anyway. He gets every girl he wants, and every girl falls for his act. He makes out like he likes them, even tells them that he loves them, but after they have sex – or multiple times – he leaves them. He’s been with, literally, close to every girl in the school. All us guys hate him, apart from his friends of course, because he’s such a dick. He’s a total fraud. He just uses girls, but they all seem to go back for more. I don’t get it. How can guys like him have girls hanging off his every word when he’s such a player; when guys like me, and Luke, and Mikey and Ash – the nice guys – don’t get any girls… ever. I’d treat Jordan like she was the only girl in the world… like a princess. She’d be mine, and I’d show her that everyday, I’d show the world that everyday. I’d give her absolutely everything. I’d cuddle with her, and hold her at night. I’d call her beautiful everyday, even if she was crying. I’d tell her lame jokes just to make her smile. I’d kiss and touch every millimetre of her body just to show her how much I love every part of her. I’d be gentle with her body, or rough when she wanted me to, when I’d show her how much I really love her – if you know what I mean. I’d do anything she wanted me to do. I’d just be there to show her how much I love her… but apparently she doesn’t know that, or she doesn’t want it.