Fixing Me ∞ Hood

Chapter 5 - Panic

"Jamie!" I cried in hysterics. "What's going on?"

"Don't worry, Jordy. Everything's going to be okay." My brother assured me. 

"I wouldn't be so sure." An unfamiliar voice sneered behind me. 

The male strides toward forward and crouches down in front of me, pulling out a knife. I try to back away but realise that I have no where to go since I'm tied up. 

The male chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you... With the knife at least."

I whimper again as he leans over, purposely breathing on my neck as he cuts the ropes that bind me.

"Now for the fun." He sneered and grabbed my upper arms dragging me with him. 

"Stop it! Leave her out of this!" My brother yelled. 

The guy that was holding me turns around. "Too late."

Everything else happens quickly, too quickly. Before I know it, Jamie and I have anchors tied around our ankles and we are standing at the edge of a pool. I am on one side and Jamie is on the other. 

"What's going on?" I whimpered. 

In a way of answering me they push Jamie into the pool causing me to scream out to him when his head doesn't come back up from under the water. He thrashes around in the water but can't do anything, the anchor was too heavy. 

I turn to the guy holding me. "Wh-what are you doing?" 

"It's called revenge, Sweetheart. Revenge."

He shoves me into the pool without giving me a chance to process what he said. The water freezes my body as soon as I touch it. The anchor pulls my body down to the bottom of the pool, which is deeper than a normal pool should be. 

As my body keeps sinking, my instinct to get back to the surface kicks in and I fight, hopelessly, against the anchor. Thrashing movements to my right catch my eye, and I turn to see my brother struggling like I am. His eyes meet mine and there is an emotion in them that I've never seen before; fear. 

I reach out towards him, but we are too far apart. His wide eyes scream an apology at me. He feels weak, I know it. Seeing my brother scared and not knowing what to do scares me even more. My small lungs fight for air that is no where to be found underwater. It is coming to a point where I am desperate for air — my chest tightening and my lungs burning. 

I open my mouth, not knowing whether it is to scream or try to get air, but that only makes the situation worse. Water fills my mouth and I begin to choke. My eyes start going blurry and I know that I am crying, hopelessly pleading to the people standing at the sides of the pool. 

My brother's struggles become weaker, as do mine. Black spots dance in front of my eyes, as my small body begins to give up the hopeless fight for life. I can feel my body starting to shut down from the lack of oxygen, and I let it. There is no point in fighting the impossible. Before I know it, everything goes black-

I gasp, trying desperately to suck oxygen into my lungs as I sit bolt upright in bed, but I only suck water in. I cough and splutter and grip my throat as it closes up. 

"Oh relax," Lily rolled her eyes. "You make it seem like you're dying."

I look down to see a now empty bucket in her hand. I claw at my throat as it continues to close up, trying desperately for it to allow oxygen into my airways. 

I don't know what is happening. This has never happened before after having a nightmare. My chest has never ached this much, my throat has never closed up this far, my lungs have never burned so painfully. But then again, I've never had water poured onto me after having a nightmare about drowning.

I roll out of bed and fall onto the floor, still gasping for air. 

"Oh stop overreacting," Lily rolls her eyes again. "Come on, bitch, it's your last day here. I'm going to give you a whole lot of shit-"

"I can't breathe." I gasped out. "I can't-"

My muscles give way, making me crumble down to lie on my side. I can't get myself back up to my hands and knees.

"Jordan?" Lily frowned. "Come on, this isn't funny. Stop messing with me."

"H-help, I can't b-breathe..."

"Oh my God... Oh my God..." Lily muttered with wide eyes and she ran out of the room. "Help! Help! Somebody help!"

I start to panic more. Now I'm alone. I can't breathe and Lily leaves me alone to freak out more.

All of a sudden the room exploded with people and they closed in on me, sucking the minuscule atoms of oxygen into their lungs and leaving mine to shrink even further. 

"Jordan?" A kind-looking woman kneels down in front of me. "Jordan, can you hear me?"

I look up at her with wild eyes and nod the best I can. 

"Good, now Jordan, I need you to take some deep breaths."

"I- I can't."

"Yes you can, you just think you can't. You're having a panic attack, Jordan, you just need to calm down."

I shake my head from side to side.

"Jordan, you can. This is all just in your head, okay? Do not let it consume you. There is air all around you, breathe it in. Relax."

I close my eyes tightly, and feel the wood grains beneath my fingers. I run my fingertips along the grain and feel the bumps and imperfections. It's so realistic. Even wood has imperfections, just like every human being does. No one in this world is perfect, no matter how much they think they are. Even trees, and therefore wood, have imperfections. It's so real. 

There is no water. I am not drowning. My brother died ten years ago, and what happened to me occurred ten years ago as well. I am Jordan Montgomery, not Jordan Peterson. I am not kidnapped.

All of a sudden my throat and chest open up and oxygen rushes into my lungs, inflating them and giving them what they've been craving. I coughed and sucked in more air at the same time, finally able to pick myself back up with shaking limbs.

"Jordan?" The nice-looking lady grabs my attention. "Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine."

"What happened?"

"It was just a nightmare." I whispered.

After a few more questions, everyone left the room, leaving me alone with Lily again. I glare up at her from my place on the floor but she just shrugs.

"My going away present for you." She grinned.

I groan and push myself slowly off the floor and walk towards the bathroom to take a shower. As the water droplets pelt down softly against my skin, warming me up, all I can think about is this new foster family that I'll be living with. It's always daunting going to a new foster home, I mean, I'll be living with complete strangers. I know nothing about them. They could be serial killers for all I know, but I'll still have to live with them. 

Deep, deep down, in the depths of my heart that is actually the light part of my heart, I hope that this will work out. But that is only ten percent or less of me. The rest of me knows that hope is there only to be crushed. Hope is there only to make you feel even worse after things are done. 

I miss being young and innocent. I miss having hope.