The Moon, The Sun, and Everything Else

Numb

I wrote this for an assignment, so enjoy! Xoxo! 

Ever since the announcement of his death, she had found refuge in her bedroom. The bedroom that was in her shared apartment with her boyfriend. 

He had been holding up alright, better than she had been. At least he was eating, everyone swore that Kirstie hadn't eaten since the announcement of Mitch's death, which was a whole week ago. Everyone was worried about her, as you could imagine. 

"Kirst?" Her boyfriend, Avi, knocked on her door. He twisted the doorknob, soon learning that the door wasn't locked. He granted himself access into her room, and once inside, he saw the one thing he didn't want to see. There his beautiful girlfriend was, lying face up on her bed, tears still pouring down her cheeks. The look on her face made her seem like she was wishing that the Earth could just swallow her up right now, because at this point, she was numb. Emotionally numb. All she could do anymore was cry, all she could do was feel guilty for all of this. At this point, she was emaciating away, I mean, just from her laying position, Avi could count every rib on her body. 

At this point, she finally realized Avi was standing there with a sympathetic smile on his lips. Sympathetic or not, any smile at this time was inexplicable. Mitch was family, and now that the Trio had become the Duo, there is no smiling, ever. At this point, she was most definitely numb, and somehow, being numb was better than being able to feel anything. 

"Kirstin," Avi spoke up over the sound of his cracking heart, which seemed to be playing at full volume in the back of his mind. "You need to eat. Please. You're scaring everyone. Kevin sent dinner over for you, come on." He stood his girlfriend up, despite her constant complaining. Avi lead her to the kitchen where he had already fixed her a plate of the dish Kevin had made and brought over for them. 

Going back to what I said about Kirstie being numb, this was one of the moments that were few and far in between, that she started feeling again. But still, in her head, being numb was still easier than feeling anything, no matter what that feeling may be. She didn't even realize her hunger pains until she could smell the food Avi had set in front of her.

"You need to eat." Avi pushed the ceramic plate towards Kirstie.

"I'm not eating." There was the numbness speaking.

"Kirstin Taylor!" Avi shouted at her. "All you are is skin and bones! I can count every rib on your body! I understand that you're in pain, and I understand you're hurting, but I won't watch you dig your own grave like this!" 

She sighed, knowing Avi wasn't about to give up. "Fine." She muttered under her breath. She rolled her eyes as she picked up her fork and took a bite. Kirstie finished only half of her plate, seeing as she hadn't eaten in a week, she'd need to build her appetite back up for full meals. "I can't..." Kirstie sat her fork down after her failed attempts to finish her plate. 

"That's okay." Avi came around the table, grabbing her plate to place in the dishwasher. He came back and kissed the top of her head. "Feel any better?" 

She nodded. Sure, the dinner, even if it was only half of it, did annihilate her hunger pains, but she still felt empty. Kirstie turned away from the hug Avi had wrapped her in and went back to her room, closing the door behind herself. 

He knew she was hurting, he did, but he couldn't let her let her waste away in her room like this any longer. He did what he did before and just opened her door. The only difference was during this go around, he laid next to her instead of standing her up. Kirstie flinched when she felt Avi's arms wrap around her, but once she realized who it was, she settled into his hold on her. Kirstie sighed, finally feeling relaxed for once. "Avi, you don't have to be here. Really, you need to eat. Have you?" This was the Kirstie he knew.

"Yes, I've eaten, lay back down, Princess." He chuckled gently. 

"I don't want you to have to stay here. Go do something you want to do." She sighed. 

"Kirstie, you've been stuck in your room, voluntarily, mind you, for a whole week. I've missed you." He pulled her closer to him. "So, of course, I want to stay here."

"But you're tired, Avi, I can see it. Go get some sleep." 

Avi sighed at her attempts. "If you want me to leave, I will."

"I mean, I don't want you to leave, I just want you to do what's best for you." Kirstie tucked her head into the side of his neck.

"And what's best for me is being here with you." He kissed the top of her head once more. "On top of it all, you're more tired than I am, why don't you get some sleep?"

Kirstie shrugged and shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not?" Avi asked her with genuine concern laced into each word.

"Because sleep doesn't come easily these days!" She was almost shouting. "It's my fault! This whole thing is!" Her voice was muffled. 

Avi's expression fell flat. "What part of this is your fault? Kirstie--"

"All of it is, Avi!" Kirstie interrupted him. "Every part of it was my fault! I knew it was late, and I knew he lived a ways away, and I should've just forced him into staying here, and--"

"Kirstin, he was probably, no definitely, the safest driver you and I both knew. And sure, you knew it was late, but you didn't know that other guy was drinking, you didn't know he was beyond drunk, heck, you didn't know he'd be driving, and you didn't know Mitch was going to meet him on the road. You can't plan for these things to happen!" He took a deep breath. "But none of this mess is your fault. You have to promise me that you understand that."

"I promise." Kirstie said, barely above a whisper. She curled herself even closer to Avi (if that was even possible) when her whole body began to shake. She tried her hardest to fight back her tears, but she lost that fight.

"Shh, you're okay." Avi ran his hand up and down her back as she silently sobbed into her shoulder. Her tears started to soak into his sleeve, but he didn't mind it.

The tears subsided after a few minutes, and Avi tilted her chin up and ran his thumb under her eyes to dry any lingering tears. "I'm sorry." She whispered, taking her own hand to her cheeks in an effort to fade the tear stains. 

It didn't matter that this was her boyfriend. It didn't matter that one of her best friends died just a mere seven days ago. It didn't matter because in the grand scheme of things, Kirstie hated crying. 

"Nothing to be sorry about." Avi smiled, once again, sympathetically, and kissed her forehead. He gently laid her back down, returning the both of them to the position they had previously been in. "It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel defeated, I promise you it is." He hugged her and continued to rub her back. 

All of this, all of this emotion all at once, had definitely brought back her ability to feel tired. Kirstie yawned against Avi's shoulder, but she fought the urge to fall asleep.

"Go to sleep, Love. You're okay here, you're safe." He coaxed, and as if his words were the enemy that beat Kirstie in her attempts to not sleep, she started falling asleep. 

Even though it still stung horribly, even though she still felt a little guilty, she was now feeling. She was feeling loved, safe, protected. She no longer felt numb, and somehow, being able to feel everything was better.