The Moon, The Sun, and Everything Else

Falling Apart

A year files by when your life is falling apart.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" All of our voices coursed together at midnight. Well, it truthfully only sounded like four.

My cheering at midnight was fake, my New Year's resolutions were fake (but who's aren't?), my smiles were fake, I was fake that night. Like a shell of myself showed up to our annual New Year's Eve party.

Soon after the cheers died out, I swallowed the final sip of my champagne and called out to the group. "Sorry that I'm being lame, I'm going to call it a night."

Everyone was saddened by my announcement, but accepted it. "Alright, Kirst, bye!" Avi gave me a hug.

"Bye!" Scott and Mitch waved. I saw Kevin waving out the window of Scott and Mitch's house, where the party was being hosted, as I got into my car. I blew a kiss back and waved, pulling my car from the driveway.

The car ride home was nothing special at all. It was silent. No music. No nothing. Just my loud thoughts, and my deep breaths in an attempt to keep myself from crying.

"A year really flies by when your life is falling apart." I mumbled to myself as I sat in my driveway for a moment, not having the energy to get up from my car.

Ever since everything happened, everything in my life has been draining. I'm always tired, or stressed, my happiness is fake, but everyone's buying it, so does it really even matter anymore?

I finally muster the energy to get into my house, and I am quickly greeted by Olaf and Pascal. "Happy New Year!" I say to them as they keep jumping on my legs. They soon calm down and sit on the sofa. "I'll be right back." I tell them, as if they're going to answer, and I go to remove all of my makeup.

I flinch suddenly when I hear a knock on my door. I go to the hallway to see that it's Avi. "Hey, are...are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's just," He handed me the black jacket I had been wearing earlier. "You left your jacket at Scott and Mitch's, and I was coming home this way anyways, so I thought I'd spare you a trip."

"Thanks." I smiled and took the jacket. Olaf and Pascal soon ran to Avi's ankles when they realized he wasn't an intruder.

"Well, hello!" He bent down and pet the dogs.

"Well, do you want to come inside? Just for a bit? I know we already had New Year's, but...? Jer is out at a party. He went with some friends from college." 

"Of course, we haven't had one of our little parties together in a while."

When the group first started, Kirstie and Avi would have nights together every now and again, they'd call in pizza and watch a movie, and just talk. Now that the group's popularity has picked up and they've been touring for a while, the tradition had slowly been disappearing from their lives.

I let him in, and I took his coat from him.

"So, we've already eaten, so maybe no pizza, but movies?" Avi asked.

"Yeah, definitely." I nodded. "Pick a movie, I'm going to change out of this dress."

He nodded and had selected the 2017 version of Beauty and the Beast off of Netflix, knowing we both enjoyed it.

I came back moments later with all of my makeup off, and I was in sweatpants.

"Hey."

"Hey." His voice was warm and inviting. I sat down and snuggled into his side.

"Are you okay with me sitting like this?"

"Of course I am, Kirst." He smiled once more as the movie played.

When we were about a third through the movie, he paused it and looked at me. "You're exhausted, Kirst."

"Wow," I chuckled. "That's really something you say to a girl with no makeup on."

"Woah, not what I meant." Avi laughed. "I meant you're seriously exhausted. I see it in you. I see how drained you are during rehearsals and recordings, you're not you."

"Avi, we're not doing this." I took my head off of his shoulder.

"No, I'm just making sure you're okay."

"Yeah, and I am."

"But you aren't. You're not as sparkly as you always are."

"I'm tired."

"You're tired? You've been tired for the past eight months?"

He finally got to me. He was breaking my walls down. "Do you want me to go fill your drink up?" I reached for his glass in an attempt to change the subject.

"No, I'm okay. You stay here." Avi grabbed my hand and lead me back to where I was sitting. "I won't push, but tell me what's wrong?"

I looked up at him, his empty glass still in my hand. He grabbed it from me and sat it down. After taking both of my hands into his, he studied my hands before gasping to himself. "Kirst, that's...that's not your wedding ring." He ran his thumb over the ring on my left finger.

"I know." I whispered under my breath.

"Is Jeremy really at a New Year's party?" Avi's mind raced to every conclusion for this situation.

I ripped my hands from his and looked down. "Fine. I put a ring on my left so that you didn't think twice when we split, but I didn't think it through and just put a ring on, and you guys bought it, so I just kept going, and now we're here."

"You guys split?" His voice shook. "Why?"

"Because I'm sick."

"What kind of sick, Kirstie?" His hands cupped my cheeks as he inspected my face.

"The kind of sick where I'm not going to die or anything, I just...I just can't have children."

"He divorced you because of that?!" Avi let go of my cheeks and stood up.

"Avi, please. I'm okay, I've gotten over it."

"It doesn't seem like it."

"I am. I'm over this." Tears spilled down my cheeks.

"You're not. This hurts, I know it does. You can't rush coping like this."

"I'm not."

"You are." He gave me a hug. "Don't fight me." He chuckled when he felt me try to get away from the hug.

My sobbing became muffled by him pulling me closer.

"Hey." He cupped my cheeks again and wiped his thumb under my eyes. "What's my thing about new years?"

"New year, new music, new outlook, new me." I quietly recited his New Year's quote.

"Exactly." He grabbed my hand and slipped my "wedding ring" from my finger. He put it back onto my right hand. "Now, do you want me to stay tonight? You've hit a raw spot tonight, and I want to make sure you're okay."

"Do you mind staying?" She asked sheepishly.

"Of course not. I want you safe."

"Thank you." I whispered.

A year's going to fly by when I someone helping piece me back togther.