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"Why are you so upset about this?! Talk to me, tell me what's going through your head." Bill says, an exasperated and petulant tone in his voice as his tall figure towers over you from your position on the plush couch in his apartments living room. He needs to know why tears are streaming down your face, or it will eat away at him all night.
You can't explain to him, you can't find the courage to tell him. You both have been together for nearly a year, except from the start Bill told you he wanted to keep it light, nothing serious. He explained to you how he got so severely heartbroken at one point, it made it nearly impossible for him to give his heart to someone.
You agreed, but not because you wanted to. What he doesn't know, is that you've been hurt before too, to the point where sometimes you don't know if you'll ever fully heal. Sometimes your heart would feel like it was being ripped open all over again, but when he came into your life, it all felt bearable, like the pain was slowly going away. You'd never felt a feeling so profound until you met him.
You blame yourself for your emotions, for your anxiety and for the pain you feel because you tell yourself "I knew from the beginning, I knew from the start that he didn't want what I wanted, I set myself up for this because my heart yearned for him." And because of that, you kept the excruciating pain inside, until tonight, when he reluctantly explained to you that he spent the night at a girls house the night before, all because you you wanted to know why he canceled the plans he had made for dinner.
You turn you face away, trying to hide the childish quiver of your lip as you rapidly wipe the warm tears from your red cheek with your fingertips. "I'm not upset, I'm fine, just go." You say, looking down at your lap as you fiddle with the small bracelet that your mother had given you years ago, around your wrist that is substantially smaller in size compared to his, something he always playfully teases you about.
He huffs, and you can see his long, dark jean clad legs shuffle from your peripheral vision, as well as his long arms crossing over his firm chest. "Just go? You want me to just go? Y/n, five minutes ago you were completely fine and telling me about how much you love old movies, you're not fine." He says, clearly becoming frustrated as he tries to figure out what he did wrong.
You sigh, shaking your head. "I just shouldn't have asked about why you canceled our plans, I should have kept my mouth shut and just-" you begin, but stop as your emotions get the best of you. "Why do you care? We aren't exclusive, you've been seeing people too-" he says in defense, until you stand up, looking him right in his large green eyes that are now widened from your sudden approach.
