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I know you love him. I know you do. You think I don't see it, the way your eyes sparkle and your lips press together to hold back the inevitable grin that yearns to make its home upon your face. I feel the way your heart thumps against your ribcage when you so much as think of him; those big green eyes and that dimple that appears on his chin when he's smiling exuberantly.
I see the way you seem to melt around him too, your body physically slumping sometimes as if you can't bear to stand; knees too weak. I feel the way your stomach does twirls when he takes your hand in his and rubs your knuckles with the soft pad of his thumb, creating circles around the back of your hand.
But god do I feel it when you two argue, that sickening, virus-like burn that eats away at your insides as if it's acid whenever he raises his voice. I feel it when he turns his back because he's too cowardly to look at the mess he's made, raking his long fingers through his messy honey brown hair as an exhausted sigh slips past his lips.
But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel it even more when he holds you in his big, strong arms and cradles you as if you are the most precious thing he's ever had the privilege to embrace. His apologies are sweet like honey and smooth like wine, the honesty in his soft voice making you want to mold yourself into his body until you two become one.
I see it when he softly lifts your chin with his index finger and leans down, desperate lips parting as he presses his plump pair to yours. Your body tenses and then relaxes like a wave at low tide, your hands resting on the firmness on his broad chest as if it's the only thing anchoring you to the earth.
I feel it when he lies you down, kissing your body as if its the antidote to his impending and short lived sickness that he never wants to go away. I see it in the way your toes curl and your eyes squeeze shut as your bodies connect like a puzzle piece and you make each other see stars. I feel it in the way your body seems to float on air as you lie together, bathed in each others scent and essence of life.
I feel it even as the hot, steamy water of the shower falls on your bodies that are pressed together like the lips of a person who never wants to reveal their secret. I feel your body react like a magnet to his touch as his large and rough hands wander over your soft hips and the dip of your lower back. I can even feel it in him, the warmth that fills his chest behind his sternum as it seeps through him like liquor. Love.
But if you want to know when I feel it most, I'll tell you. It's when it's midnight, and the sadness that you thought burned away long ago comes back; but what gets you through it, is him. He holds you, tighter than ever, as if he's afraid to let go because you might drift away like ashes and embers in the wind. He kisses your forehead gingerly and tells you everything will be ok. And it will be. You know it will be.
I feel it when all you can hear is the sound of his heartbeat, drumming like a bass filled harmony that lulls you to sleep. You see him in your dreams and for a split second, you fear waking up because you never want to be away from him. But then you remember that he's there, his warmth, his presence, his scent. It's all right there, holding you close underneath heavy blankets and silk sheets.
I see it in the tears that fill your eyes when he has to leave for months on end, the 'goodbyes' feeling like half of you is being ripped away with bare, cold hands. I feel it in the melancholy sting that manifests itself into the lump in your throat, feeling his lips and gentle, familiar touch for one last time before he closes the door.
I know you love him. I know you do. You can try to deny it because of the fear that he might not feel the same way or because you think that something so precious and rare could never belong to you. But you see, darling, I know for a fact that he loves you too. I know it. I know that the bond you two share isn't something like the movies or a fairytale, because it's even more profound than that. It's real life, real love, real people and a real connection.
You might be scared now, you might have questions that go unanswered and pain that you create on your own. But little one, you do not need to worry. It's going to be alright. Love can move mountains, love can heal a wound that you thought would remain open forever. That's not me being poetic, it's just the truth. It's your call to decide what's hypothetical and what's not.
Listen to me when I say, that the beauty you hold within you, is capable of being loved like no other. First by yourself, and then by another that gets the privilege to hold it in their hands. Do not fear love. Love does not fear you. This is not just a silly little fling, it's the very thing people yearn for. In their happiest moments, saddest moments, angriest moments. And you have it, with the person of your dreams. Isn't that something?
He did not find you by coincidence. You two did not form a bond so strong it could hold up the weight of me. I move through you every day, with every breath and every touch. You give me the power of love, and I heal you through every motion. Thankyou for letting me see magic, your heart is safe in my hands.
Sincerely, the universe.
Ps. Still can't respond to comments, trying to figure out what's wrong :(
I see all of your lovely comments though and it kills me I can't reply
