Tyler stood in the hotel bathroom, a frown on his face as he saw his reflection in the mirror. He gently placed his arms over his abdomen so he didn't have to look at himself.
What if Josh didn't like his body? What if he thought he was gross?
"Baby?" Josh asked, lightly knocking on the door. "You ok?"
"Y-yeah," Tyler said quietly. He now sat down on the edge of the tub, his arms still covering his abdomen. He was in only his boxers. He absolutely hated the way he looked. Was he really ready for sex? He trusted Josh with everything he had, but still.
"Can I come in, sweetheart?" Josh said from the other side of the door.
Tyler gulped. "I-I guess."
Josh carefully opened the door, frowning as he saw his husband looking so sad. "Baby... what's wrong?" He asked softly, sitting down on the floor in front of Tyler and looking up at him since he was still sitting on the tub.
"I-I'm so fat," Tyler said quietly, not looking into Josh's eyes.
"Tyler, you're beautiful. You're absolutely beautiful inside and out," Josh said.
"No I'm not," Tyler sniffled. "You're just saying that cause we're married."
"Are you nervous about your body or about sex?"
"B-both."
"We don't have to have sex tonight, honey," Josh said. "We don't ever have to have sex if you don't want to. I just want you to be comfortable."
"B-but sex is i-important to you..."
"Nothing is above you in my eyes, Tyler."
Tyler just sniffled and shrugged.
"Really, baby. You are my everything. Always my top priority. You always have been. You've been my everything since we first met in ninth grade. And I really want you to be comfortable with me seeing you naked. I really want you to trust me enough. But if you don't, that's okay, just please tell me what I can do to make you trust me."
"I-I do trust you, Joshie," Tyler quickly said, not wanting Josh to think any of this was his fault. "I trust you w-with everything. I-I just... I-I don't know. I-I'm sorry."
"D-do you want me to sleep with you?" Josh asked. Now he wasn't looking at Tyler. He was hurt that his husband didn't trust him enough to see him naked.
"W-where else would you sleep?"
"I-I can call the front desk a-and get my own room."
"J-Joshie, w-we don't have enough money to do that..."
"I-I can just sleep on the floor," Josh shrugged. He just wanted Tyler to be comfortable.
"I-I want you to sleep with me, Joshua," Tyler said. "In bed, with me."
Josh shrugged again, sniffling as he got up and left the bathroom. He felt like this was all his fault. He wasn't trustworthy enough.
Tyler sighed, hating himself for making Josh feel so guilty even though his husband did nothing but love him dearly. He got up and went out into the bedroom, seeing Josh turned on his side away from the bathroom.
Tyler crawled into bed next to him, sighing and mumbling a quiet apology. "I'm so sorry, Joshua. None of this is your fault. I trust you so much. And I love you so much. This is all just because of me and my insecurities. Nothing you ever did. And I'm sorry I made you feel like you'd have to sleep in a separate room or even on the floor on your wedding night. I-I know I ruined our special night. I-I'm sorry."
He leaned forward and kissed the side of Josh's head before crawling to the other side of the bed, turning so his back was facing Josh.
He ruined their special night.
They could only afford to stay in a hotel one night, and they couldn't even go on a honeymoon because of the cost. This was literally their one night of bliss.
***
The next morning, when Tyler woke up, Josh wasn't there. He tugged on his hair frustratedly, thinking his husband had already left him.
But about two minutes later, Josh walked into the hotel room. He had a bouquet of roses and a box of donuts. "H-here," he said quietly, handing them to Tyler. "H-happy first day married."
"Joshua..." Tyler said, looking up at his husband.
Josh sniffled and retreated to the bathroom, still fully believing he simply wasn't trustworthy for whatever reason.
Tyler got up and knocked on the door before entering the bathroom, seeing Josh just sitting on the floor sadly.
"Joshie," Tyler said, sitting down in front of his husband. "Please don't be sad. I promise, a-all of this is because of me and my insecurities. Nothing you have ever, ever done."
Josh wiped his eyes, not looking into Tyler's.
"Do you wanna maybe have a second wedding night?" Tyler asked. "A-at home tonight? And we can just try everything again."
Josh shrugged. No matter what Tyler said, he blamed himself for this.
"O-or we could do it right now," Tyler said. "We can have a wedding morning."
"We have to be checked out in half an hour," Josh said quietly.
Tyler sighed and crawled into Josh's lap, gently holding his face. "I'm sorry, Joshie. I really, really am. I don't mean to make you feel so horribly. I didn't mean to ruin our night. I promise. I really, really didn't. I-I'll make it up to you tonight."
Josh just sniffled and shrugged, standing up and beginning to pack his things in the bedroom.
Soon, both boys were driving to their apartment in complete silence.
Once they arrived home, Tyler went to their shared bathroom and started to run a bath while Josh just sat on the couch, staring at the TV sadly.
A few minutes later, Tyler went into the living room and took Josh's hand. "Come with me, Joshie."
Josh got up and followed Tyler, seeing the bathtub with candles and rose petals all around it. "I-I thought maybe we could start off o-our second wedding night w-with this. I-is that ok?"
Josh nodded.
Both boys stripped, seeing each other naked for the first time.
Josh stepped in first so he could help Tyler get in before he sat down. Tyler immediately sat down in Josh's lap.
"Can I hold you hand, Joshie?" He asked softly.
Josh nodded and held his left hand out, Tyler taking it with his right as he sat on him sideways, his nose nuzzled in his neck.
Josh carefully held him, both sitting there in silence for a while.
"I love you," Tyler said softly.
"I love you too," Josh said.
That was the first time Tyler had heard Josh speak in hours.
"I'm so happy you're my husband," Tyler said honestly.
"I-I'm happy you're my husband too."
Tyler turned his head so he was looking at Josh, leaning forward and kissing his lips softly. "I love you so much," he said, squeezing Josh's hand.
Josh sniffled and nodded.
Tyler sighed, his nose nuzzling into Josh's neck. He enjoyed being held, and Josh liked holding him. So that's all they did that night.
Each day, they took it one step further.
Until two weeks after getting married, they finally were back to normal and shared their first time.
They wouldn't trade it for the world.
