Avengers X reader: A Different World

46

(Y/n) POV

Wade and I sat and the back of the cab. He was playing with some gum then it got stuck on the window. Suddenly, Wade sticks his head up front. "Kinda lonesome back here". Wade said to the taxi driver, I looked offended as fuck. "Um... Excuse you"? I said. Wade ignored me. He begins climbing up into the passenger seat, grunting. "Little help"? Wade asked the driver pitting his ass in my face. "Get yo ass out my face"! I said. "Get your face out my ass". He said back. We were both looking for Francis and I've seen the Deadpool movie. We were both in are suits. "Sir, I have to keep my hands on the wheel". The cab driver said. "Excuse me". Wade said. As he finished climbing into the seat. The cab driver extends his hand. "Dopinder". The cab driver said. "Pool. Dead". Wade said. "And this is (S/h/n)". "Sup". I said as they shook each other hands.

Wade notices a picture of a woman on Dopinder’s dashboard. "Mmm. Nice". Wade said. I looked over at them. "Smells good, no"? Dopinder said. "Not the Daffodil Daydream. The girl". Wade said. "Yeah she's pretty". I said.
"Ah, yes. Gita. She is quite lovely. She would have made me a very agreeable wife, but, um… Gita’s heart has been stolen by my cousin Bantu. He is as dishonorable as he is attractive". Dopinder said sadly. "Dopinder, I’m starting to think there’s a reason we're in this cab today". Wade said. "Yes, sir, you two called for it, remember"? Dopinder said. I laughed.
"No, my slender, brown friend. Love is a beautiful thing. When you find it, the whole world tastes like Daffodil Daydream". Wade said. "Yeah man. Daydreams and shit". I said. Wade laughed at me. "Don't let Loki hear you say that". Wade said laughing. Dopinder humed. "So you gotta hold onto love. Tight"! Wade said. Deadpool makes a fist. Dopinder copies him. "And never let go. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Got it"? Wade says. Dopinder nods. "Or else the whole world tastes like Mama June after hot yoga". Wade said causing me to laugh.

"Sir, what does Miss Mama June taste like"? Dopinder asked. I was dying of laughter. "Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss". Wade said. "Like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Donald Trump. Having a threesome in a public restroom". I said. This made Wade laugh. "Okay, stop". Dopinder said. "We can go all day, Dopinder. The point is, it’s bad". Wade said. "It’s bad. Uh, why the fancy red suit Mr. Pool "? Dopinder asked changing the subject. "Oh, that’s because it’s Christmas Day, Dopinder. And I’m after someone on my naughty list. I’ve been waiting one year, three weeks, six days, and oh…". He checks his Adventure Time watch. "Fourteen minutes to make him fix what he did to me". Wade said. "And what did he do to you"? I shook my head to Dopinder after he asked this. "This shit". Wade said. Wade lifted his mask to show his scarred face. "Boo"! Wade yelled causing Dopinder to swerve. "Damn it Dead"! I yelled.

Wade begins patting his costume, looking for his bag realizing he left ur after looking back where I'm at. "Aw, shit! I forgot my ammo bag"! Wade yelled. "Damn it. I don't know how to control my powers". I said. "Shall we turn back"? Dopinder asked. "Nope, no time. Fuck it. I got this. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve bullets, or bust. We’re here"! Wade yelled. Dopinder slams on the breaks. We're on the middle of a bridge over a highway. "That’s uh, twenty seven fifty". Dopinder said. I looked at Wade. "I, I never carry a wallet while I’m working. Ruins the lines of my suit". Wade said. I shook my head feeling bad. "Oh". Dopinder said. "But, uh, how ‘bout a crisp high-five"! Wade said. "Okay". Dopinder said. They high fived. "Merry Christmas". Wade and I both said. "And a convival Tuesday in May to you too, Mr. Pool and Ms. (S/h/n)". Dopinder said. Wade and I sit on the bridge listening up music while he's coloring killing Francis. He then looks off into the forth wall.

"Wha- Oh! Oh, hello. I know, right? Who’s balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can’t tell you, but it does rhyme with Pullverine. And let me tell you". Wade said. I started laughing. He starts talking in a Australian accent. "He’s got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under. Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix, and - oh! Bad guys to kill". Wade said. "Um... Quick question". I said. Wade looked at me. "How am I gonna get down there"? I asked. "Hop on". Wade said. I got on Wade's back. We spot Francis’s convoy. "Maximum effort". He said. Wade walks off of the side of the bridge with me on his back, even tho I knew what he was gonna do I yelled ah lands on the car. We beat all of the men in the car, Wade sending one flying out the back, and barely holding on. Wade laughs at him. One of the men takes his head and slams it into a car seat. "Yo bitch"!   I yelled at him. "Rich, corinthian leather". Wade said and I laughed. Wade beats the man holding him down and snaps his neck. "I’m looking for Francis. Have you seen this man"? He said the last part in a weird Captain America type of voice, holding up his crayon drawing.