365 Days- Book I

41. What you don't know

August 10, 2018

"Write about a secret you've kept from someone else or how you feel when you know someone is keeping a secret from you."

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Secrets - the very word invokes myriad feelings; excitement, guilt, anger, hurt and betrayal, for this one word is an act of suppression, to create a surprise or conceal the truth. And depending on who is at the receiving end and what the secret is, the reaction would vary.

Secrets that cause surprise are welcome, they are fun, exciting and a reiteration of the fact that the person loves you a lot or at least cares for you; it takes a lot of effort to plan a surprise. The secret excitement bubbles and the happiness of anticipating your reaction is heart-warming.

However, when it is a secret on account of withholding facts or hiding the truth, it hurts; a gut wrenching agony that twists through your heart for at that instant you realise how little you meant to them. It is worse when you know that secret and you keep waiting for them to tell you, to let you in and each time you are left out, you feel abandoned and discarded.

It slowly breaks you inside, the knowledge that rises from the suspicion that you do not matter enough in their lives; that you have so little room in their hearts that sharing the news with you is not considered necessary. It hurts; a cold numbing hurt that slowly kills the relationship.

I read somewhere that you must beware a friend who only shares the bad things with you, keeping the good things that happen, a secret or not sharing with you.

I agree, for when a friend does that, it makes you feel small, gives you an impression that you are there only for them to take out their stress and sorrows; for when anything good happens in their lives, you are the last to know, and usually from someone else. And it hurts, hurts a lot.

Such a secret proves that you are not a friend, and the bond is not one of friendship. It is unfair that you continue to lend your shoulder for them to cry on while never being included in their happy moments. They will have reasons but then they are excuses; if you can trust me with your doubts, your sorrows, your anger, your frustrations, your rants can I not be trusted with your moments of happiness, when there is good news? Or is it that you think I will be jealous of your good fortune? In either case, it is not a relationship of friends, it is one of mere convenience.

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Word count 420 ☺☺☺