365 Days- Book I

78. Random Song

September 16, 2018

"Use the shuffle feature on your MP3 player or go to a site like 8tracks.com or Songza.com and pick a playlist. Write something inspired by the first song you hear."

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Likhe jo khat tujhe...

They say that music heals the soul but it does not mend my broken heart. Especially if it is this song that is playing; my song, your song, our song, playing as I write this letter to you.

Likhe jo khat tujhe, woh teri yaad mein
Hazaaron rang ke, nazaare ban gaye
Sawera jab hua, toh phool ban gaye
Jo raat aayi toh, sitaare ban gaye

Strange, is it not, that the same song can evoke so contrasting emotions? Before I met you it was just a beautiful song, one that I considered to be Rafi Sahib's finest. After I met you, every word would bring to mind your image, I wondered why he sang that the memories would sway like flowers in the breeze or sparkle like the stars in the heavens. Today, the flowers and stars bring back memories of you.

Koyi nagma, kahin goonja, kaha dil ne, yeh tu aayi
Kahin chatki, kali koyi, main yeh samjha, tu sharmaayi
Koyi khushboo, kahin bhikhri, laga yeh zulf lehraayi

Sigh,that is how it would be, right, when I would wait for you, at our favourite spot? A minute without you was like an eternity and our time together would fly past so quickly. It was never enough, it did not matter how many hours we spent together, it was never enough. When you were with me, I could think of nothing else, when you were not with me, I could only think of you. A lovesick fool, you would tease me. And today, you have made me into a permanent lovesick, lovelorn, lost person.

Likhe jo khat tujhe...

Who would have thought that instead of spending my life with you I would spend my days writing letters to you? I want to blame you for what has happened, it is not right, but the heart knows not reason.

Fiza rangeen, adaa rangeen, yeh ithlaana, yeh sharmaana
Yeh angdhaayi, yeh tanhaayi, yeh tarsaa kar, chale jaana
Bana dega nahin kisko, jawaan jadoo, yeh deewana

Indeed your presence coloured my life, filled my days with hopes and my night with dreams. You left such emptiness that even your memories cannot fill it. My heart is yours as is my life, without you I simply seem to exist.

Likhe jo khat tujhe...

Everyone says, I must move on, but I cannot, at least not so soon. I do not know how you could leave me and go but I simply cannot go on.

Jahan tu hai, wahan main hoon, mere dil ki tu dhadhkan hai
Musafir main tu manzil hai, main pyaasa hoon, tu saawan hai
Meri duniya yeh nazre hain, meri jannat, yeh daaman hai;

That is what you promised right, that you would be there where ever I was, that my arms were your world and the my heartbeat is the only music for you, barring this song? And yet, only this song remains for now my arms are empty as is our house. You were my haven and your absence has made me an eternal wanderer. You were my salvation and you left me parched and dry. I would have lived my life, drowning myself in your eyes, and when they closed I have been abandoned. You were my destiny, my life and my heaven and today my life is a living hell in your absence.

Likhe jo khat tujhe...

Ten years since we met, eight years since we confessed our love, five years since we wedded and three years since you died, I am still trying to make sense of what happened. I am no longer numb with grief though I do grapple with life. I cannot forget you and as of now I do not think I can move on. But I will learn to live, laugh and maybe love again. Not as I loved you, but maybe a fraction of that. It is not what you wanted but you will not find fault with my efforts. I will try to move on, build a life that does not involve me crying and moping. But I will keep on loving you, missing you. And will keep writing to you.

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Word count 692

Okay I cheated, a bit. I actually typed 'Rafi's songs' in Google and this was the second. It is my all time favourite (imagine the song, how can you not fall in love with it - the music, the lyrics and above all Rafi's voice...I am in love).

And please, I would love to know what you thought of this 'letter' of mine.