silhouette [hitoshi shinsō x reader]

02 | Dark thoughts

I didn't know where I was going. I just wanted to make it home somehow. I just kept looking down. Tears streaming down my face. This went on for a few more minutes, until...

I fell into a lake. It was so cold. I could barley feel my body. My body was fully submerged in that lake.
I don't remember this being here.

I've always wondered what it feels like to drown.

Wait, what am I thinking!?! I swim to the top of river. Gasping for air. I finally manage to get out of there. I was shivering cold. I get up. I check my watch. 2:04. I just keep walking until eventually I somehow reach my house. I open the door, take my shoes off and run to the washroom. I just broke down. It was hard to process everything that just happened. No matter how hard try, this world won't let me forget. It feels like its eating me alive, no, it feels like its drowning me. And no one wants to come save me. It's not like I deserve anyones care, anyways.

"Shinsou... I need you right now."

I dry off and take a shower. Usually, I hate showers. But, this one was just so relaxing. I got out, dried myself off. I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid on my bed. I hid my face in my pillow until, eventually, falling asleep.

I opened my eyes. I check my phone for the time.
5:47. A lot earlier then when I usually wake up. I check my notifications.

•8 text messages•
• 4 miss calls•

when I checked who they were from, I was surprised to see there were from Shinsou.

•yesterday 9:27•
Im coming over
Hey where are you?
Seriously [Y/N]
Answer your phone
Where did you go??
If this is a joke its not funny
[Y/N]
Im looking for you everywhere
[Y/N]
•4 miss calls•

Oh god.
I made him worry about me.
He shouldn't have.
Also, why would he come over that late?
I feel like I just got punched in the stomach.

Really [Y/N]?
He probably hates you now.

I get up and get dressed. I made breakfast for myself. I open the door and take a deep breath.
I started walking on my own and saw Shinsou ahead of me. He noticed I was there.

"[Y/N]!"

I rushed over to him. I noticed that the circles under his eyes were darker, and his hair was messier then usual. "How much sleep did you get?" I hesitantly ask him. "Don't worry about me! Where were you last night?!?" He sounds so concerned. "W-well I um."
"I took a walk that night and lost track of time"
I felt like crying. I remembered my thoughts that night.
"You had me so worried..."
"H-hey i'm sorry..."
I feel so empty
I made him care about me
I don't deserve to be cared about.

Shinsou takes a deep breath.
"Its fine."
Lets get to school now, okay?

Okay.  I say with a fake smile on my face.

"So, why did you come over so late?"
I ask out of curiosity." Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed sad when we walked home." He says while looking up at the sky
"Oh uh, really?" "Sorry to worry you." From then on, we two walked without saying a word to each other.
Once we reached UA I started looking for Uraraka, who had been talking to that boy with green hair. "Oh, hey [Y/N]!"Uraraka said once she noticed me. "Oh hi!" The boy with green hair says.  Uraraka asks how i'm doing and then continues talking with the green-haired boy. I go to sit down somewhere alone.
I like being alone. It helps me clear out my thoughts. 

                 ~In class~
I sat beside Shinsou again, but this time, I didn't say anything to him. Instead, I focused on what Aizawa sensei was saying, taking glances at Shinsou once and a while.

              ~After school because what else can I do~
I met up with Shinsou in the same spot he always waits at. "Let's go already." He says in a deep tone.
Even so, no matter how hard I try, I couldn't stop thinking about last night.
I started getting lost in thoughts again.
"Hey [Y/N]?" Shinsou says.
It made me jump a bit.
"Are you okay?"
"Oh u-um yeah I'm okay"
I tried to act natural.
I tried my hardest not to think about that again.
I reached my house and said goodbye to Shinsou.
I ran to my room and took off shoes. I just laid there.
I couldn't help but question,

I hide my face in a pillow. I feel my eyes start to tear up.
Why do you have to be so weak?

I am pretty weak, aren't I?