Dear Boo

💔Hard Life💔

WARNING
This letter deals with sensitive matters. Such as:
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Self Harm
Suicide Ideations
Please proceed with caution!

Dear Boo,

I want to say you are an AMAZING person. Anyone who is willing to do this is obviously a gorgeous angel and I want to thank you so so much!

You can call me Grace*.

I just started cutting myself.
I’m pretty sure I’m depressed.
I hate myself.
I was abused for five years.

My younger brothers’ dad (let’s call him Snake*) who is in his 50’s, was abusive towards my family for 5 years, and we left 2 years ago. I’m probably being stupid, but for some reason, I feel depressed now.

I loved Snake* as a step dad but he was emotionally and physically abusive towards me, Mum, and my 3 younger brothers. Snake also sexually abused me during those 5 years. I am now 13, turning 14 and life feels like way too much. And it’s even more difficult because he’s definitely not going to jail or anything for it.

Every time I think of myself I remember what Snake* would do, what he would say, how he would act.

I feel so lost and lonely right now, and I feel selfish for being alive. I feel like I must be f*cked up in the head, and I just want to kill myself sometimes. But that would be selfish, and I’m already too selfish.

I started cutting to relieve the pain, the awfulness of the memories of him. I want to talk to Mum about everything, including the cutting, but it seems so hard, and I don’t want her to be sad. She would totally understand, as she was abused as a child way worse than me. But that’s the thing. Other than the fact she gave birth to me, I feel silly, because her problems have been way worse and it makes me feel sorta insignificant. I keep a diary, and while that helps a bit, I feel like it isn’t enough. I’m seeing a therapist soon too, because Mum knows about the sexual abuse, though appointments will be hard because my mum can’t drive just yet.

Sometimes I just want to die.
I don’t know what to do, life seems so pointless and gray right now, and the pain is always there. Why is life so hard to deal with right now? Why do I feel so lost when I think about Snake* and everything?

Thanks for listening to me rant.
You are awesome.
🤗
❤️❤️

-Grace

🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠

Dear Grace*,

Thank you for your kind words about me, I appreciate every word and take it to heart. Also, thanks for writing to me about these issues.

The first thing I wanna say to you doll is this, you are not selfish! What makes you feel selfish for being alive? Honey, you're meant to live your life. You suffered a horrible, terrible ordeal which no one should ever have to go through.

Okay, you're 13, Snake* left two years ago when you was 11. He abused you 5 years old. So from the age 6 until 11, he not only abused you emotionally and physically but he sexually molested. He is the one who should not be alive! I don't wish death upon anyone, except child molesters. I think that is the most inhumane thing anyone can do.

There is too much free 🐈🐱 in this world for anyone to touch a child!!

I think you're feeling depressed now because your mind is finally coming to terms with what he did. The brain is a fascinating organ, it can block things out until later in our lives.