Dear Boo

✍🏻 Trichotillomania ✍🏻

Dear Boo,

Hi, I'm Fay*. I have had trichotillomania for almost a year now, and it's hard to live with. At first, I didn't really think about it. I just plucked out a hair, feeling a bit worried, but not too bothered.

Only then it started to get worse.

My top eyelids often get bald now and I'm afraid someone is going to mention it to me. I know people must have noticed, but no one has said anything...yet.

I yell at myself inside my head to stop, but I can't. My arm just reached up and I can't control it. I've looked it up and some say it's caused by depression, but from what I remember I was never depressed or particularly anxious in any way.

Trich has certainly made me a lot more stressed out though. I can't ever bring myself to tell my parents. Mainly because it's embarrassing, and because how are they going to help me? They'll give me a lecture about it, tell me off, maybe get emotional, or try forcing me to stop. Which will only stress me out more. It's scary just to know I can't end this because I try so hard, but I can't.

I tried making it a lot more unnoticeable, but it's kind of difficult. I guess I'm glad I don't pull the hair on my head, so I only get bald patches on my eyes. I don't know why I do it, and I don't know how to stop. It's just pulling me over the edge, dragging me down. I can't look people in the eye and I hate going near teachers in case they ask about it. I have an obstetrician appointment tomorrow and I'm scared they'll notice and it's the fact that people could be talking behind my back about this.

Some people at my school cut themselves, and a couple of my friends do. But I don't ask them why they do it. I've never cut myself, but I guess I understand why. It gives then relief and then they're unable to stop.

Only, I want to stop this, I want to end it. Because it hurts me, not physically, but mentally. I think I worry too much about the judgments of other people, but the truth is I can't ever stop worrying about that.

–Fay*

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Dear Fay*,

Thanks for writing to me about your problem with Trichotillomania. For those reading who don't know what Trichotillomania (Trich) is, it's the urge to pull your hair out. Hair can be pulled from your head, eyelashes, eyebrows, body hair (legs, arms, private area). It's more than just wanting to do it, it's more like a need. I can imagine how suffocating it must feel if you're unable to do so.

Think back to when you started to pluck your eyelashes...did anything significant happen? Anything traumatizing? Was there a reason it became worse?

I can imagine that this is very hard to cope with. You know you want to stop, but you're unsure of how. If anyone ever tells you, “just stop”, they aren't being considerate of your emotional well-being. Trich is a psychological disorder, as well as physical. It's a lot like OCD.

Next time you want to yell at yourself... don't! This is not your fault. Trich is an imbalance in the brain, the neurotransmitters actually. Years ago it was classified as an impulse control disorder. However, with more studying, it is now known as an OCD related disorder. Some psychiatrists prescribe medicine, such as Anafril (an antidepressant) to help with the symptoms, which in turn help Trich.

There is so a skin picking version of this called dermatillomania. Many people are unaware of both disorders.

There are a lot of people in the world Trich, even celebs! Christina Aguilera is one that is very vocal about how she lives with it.