Dear Boo

⚛️Help, I Cheated⚛️

Dear Boo,

I'm in a big, big situation. So I'm gay and me and my boyfriend, Jayce*, been dating for a long time, and I love him; I really really do.

Recently, I cheated on him..with a girl. I was very high and drunk at the time, but I still knew what I was doing because I remember it. I felt and still feel so terrible.

I am so confused about myself. I was so sure about my sexuality, something I worked hard to accept, but now I'm questioning myself again. I'm in sex counseling and gender therapy, but the progress is slow and I just want to know why I feel so disgusting.

I'm not used to him being this angry, he kicked me out of our house we shared, so I've been sleeping at my sister's house saving for an apartment. I want to get better for him and win him back, but I'm so fucked up.

I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm scared he will move on quickly and just scared he doesn't love me. I need advice.

Thank you,
Tanner*

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Dear Tanner*,

Hey, love! Thank you for writing to me about your issue with yourself and Jayce*. I can tell that this is very important to you.

Firstly, you're not disgusting – you made a mistake. You're human and even though you can't change the past, you can fix your future. I won't downplay this, it is a big situation, but if you and Jayce* really love each other things can get better over time.

I understand why Jayce* kicked you out, he was hurt over what happened even if it was a mistake. Reverse the situation and ask yourself, what would you do if Jayce* had cheated on you.

I'm not sure if it mattered to him whether you slept with a woman or man; cheating is cheating. I'm not putting blame on you, love, I'm only stating facts. I'm glad to see you didn't use being high and drunk as an excuse. However, it did impair your judgment to were the sexual feelings were heightened. Let's face it folks...sex feels pretty damn good when you're intoxicated, sometimes something so wrong can feel so good. So it's hard to say no. Your mind was saying no, but your body was screaming yes!

What probably hurts Jayce* the most is the trust he had for you is broken. Once that happens, it's hard work to get it back. Have you tried to sit him down and be honest with him? If you haven't, try that. If he doesn't want to, give him space, but write him a letter about everything and pour your heart out in this letter. Make him realize even though you made a mistake, you still love him and can't imagine your life without him in it. At the end of the letter tell him you want to discuss this in person with him. After all, this deals with the future from both of you!

Moving on to the confusion about your sexuality…

If you're confused about everything then chances are high that you enjoyed the sex with the woman. If you did, does that scares you? Being comfortable with your sexuality is most important! Maybe you're still gay and this was just a one-time thing, or maybe you're pansexual or bisexual. Either way, you need to accept and love yourself. Without loving yourself you won't be able to fully love another. Loving yourself should be your top priority!

I think you feel disgusting because you hurt Jayce*, and because you had sex with someone who you weren't in love with. You were living your life with Jayce* and fully being comfortable with your sexuality, then here comes this woman who disrupted both of those things.

Some people cheat because they aren't getting something sexually from their partner, or because they are lacking something in their life that the other person had. You need to ask yourself if either of those things are why you had sex with the other person. If so, you need to work on that as well as everything else.