Dear Boo

🍭Social Anxiety 🍬

Dear Boo,

Firstly, thank you so much for even being willing to do this. I really appreciate that you take your precious time to do this for me and others.

I have always been very introverted. I genuinely enjoy spending time with people, but if I'm in a crowd I get drained very easily. I'm often nervous and not great with people. Because of this, I don't have a lot of good friends, just a few I would die for, and I'm okay with that.

Lately, things have been worse than usual for me. I get extremely nervous in public places and sometimes I can barely approach the good friends I do have. Even at places I know well, I feel almost sick sometimes. I feel like everything is crushing me and I have to be away from it immediately. Usually, I can control it and it's not a huge deal, but sometimes I can't and I either have to run away or shut down completely.

It confuses me. It makes me feel annoying to even my best friend and I can hardly think logically at times. Do I have social anxiety or something else? What can I do about it, either way?

––Eryn*

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Dear Eryn*,

Hey, lovely. I hope you're doing well today. I'm sorry it has taken so long to answer your letter. Hopefully, you saw my update of why. I do deeply apologize.

I'm also introverted, so I do relate with you on many things in your letter. When it comes to friendship I think the quality of a few great friends is better than a large number of basic friends.

Social anxiety does seem to get worse as you get older, then it settles at a level that you can tolerate with the right help. What many fail to realize is social anxiety isn't just shyness, it's about intense fear or anxiety in a social setting. We tend to worry about what others will think negative of us. I say ‘us’ because you're not alone!

Out of everyone reading, who has symptoms of social anxiety? Did you know some people live with it for 20 years without getting help? Below is a photo with a list of physical, emotional, and actions that are symptoms of social anxiety.

Social anxiety is a continuous circle. Try to train your brain to break the cycle before the social interaction begins, but only do this at your own pace. Controlling your breathing will help in most situations. Not only does that give you a few seconds to gather your thoughts, but also gives your brain fresh oxygen to focus better. Plan what you want to say in your mind before you speak, and if you need to, take a break! Don't overwhelm yourself.

My dad had social anxiety as a younger adult, then it turned into general anxiety disorder. He would have to full-blown anxiety and panic attacks. It got to the point he was unable to do daily tasks, such as work, drive on a busy road, or even cross an intersection. With therapy (cognitive based therapy actually), a healthy change in his environment, relationships (aka divorce and remarriage 🤷🏻‍♀️), and medication, he is completely different. He can drive on a highway again and is much happier.

My husband and I both have social anxiety, to a point. When a place is too crowded I feel so suffocated. His is a little deeper. Each case of social anxiety is different. I will include a photo that has agoraphobia vs. social phobia, compare each symptom you have and see what you think. Since I'm not a psychologist I can't technically diagnosis you, but I do think you have one of them.

I do, as always, recommend visiting a therapist. Especially one who specializes in cognitive-based therapy. They will be able to give you a diagnosis, which will make it easier to accept and you can begin to heal and work with your mind.

Take things at your own pace, remember that YOU are in control and no one else! It's okay to say no to friends, too. You're definitely not annoying, you're simply a human who has emotions. If you don't already, begin writing these moments in a journal and see if you notice any triggering moments. Always hold your head up, and never be afraid to be yourself!