Dear Boo

🖤 Sexually Abused 🖤

Trigger Warning!

This letter talks about sexual abuse. This topic is extremely triggering, so if this is a trigger for you please read with caution.

★★★

Dear Boo,

Hi, it's me again – Natalia*. Sorry for another letter, but I was really your book again and I realized I had another thing that was bothering me

First off, I love you, you're an amazing person. I wish we were friends in real life, like, you're such a beautiful person inside and out. I'm sure you heard this all the time, but I just needed to address that.

Okay…

Firstly, my depression I talked about before has gotten better. I realized that the thing making me depressed was my parents constantly arguing. I sort of solved that one myself.

Secondly, I was reading your book again and I read about a lot of people who were sexually abused, and it sorta triggered me. Yes, I was sexually abused when I was younger (I was nine) by someone in my family – my grandfather. This happened for three years until he passed away.

When I read the stories they didn't trigger me to where I'm sad, but to where I'm angry. I'm angry at myself because when I was being sexually abused when I was younger I let it happen to myself. When I think back on it I could have caught back, but I didn't. That makes me furious with myself. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I just wish I could tell my younger self that something bad was going to happen. I could have saved myself from this long time of pain.

What makes me more furious is that when he passed away I was crying like I was sad that he died. I don't fucking know why!! He hurt me and I was crying...it made me feel weak and stupid.

Anyways, moving on —

To this day when I hear about a small child getting sexually abused it triggers something in me. I get so angry and it makes me remember everything that happened to me and I begin thinking about a lot of stuff.

I realized the other day that my family is filled with child molesters. Both of my grandfathers hurt someone in my family, and my cousin and step-brother (he's my half brother, but I don't like to consider him my blood relative). To top that off, my stepbrother had a child!! I don't understand why God would bless my stupid step brother with a child when he did such horrible things to people in my family.

Anyways, to the real problem… I don't know how I can forgive my grandfather for hurting me. My parents know what happened to me, and a long time ago they said people like that should be forgiven. I said, “how can I forgive them when they can't even admit what they did was wrong?”. I still haven't been able to forgive him, because to this day I still hate him for what he did to me. Does this make me a bad person?

Okay, I'm done now. Thank you for listening to my rant. I'm sorry that was so long, but I never talk about this to anyone and I've been holding it in for so long. So, that n you for listening...err, reading I guess hehe.

I love you, Boo! 🖤 Thanks for being such an amazing friend.

Love,
Natalia*

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Dear Natalia*,

Hey, darling! I hope you know you can write to me anytime you want. I'm always here for you no matter what. It would be great if we lived closer to one another, we would definitely hang out, you're a wonderful friend to me.