Dear Boo is an advice journal for anyone who needs someone to talk to. I listen and give my advice about any topic possible. So, things such as rape, eating disorders, psychological disorders, self-harm, suicide attempts, abuse, and much more, will...
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Dear Boo,
I need your advice on a topic that’s really important for me.
For half a year now I've had a boyfriend, Xavier*, and he changed a lot of things for the better without even knowing it. Before we met, I had depression (I never went to a psychologist, but I think I had) and suicidal thoughts. It even got to the point where I attempted suicide.
When we started to get to know each other and were getting closer, these thoughts started to disappear. Since we are a couple, those thoughts are gone—at least for most of the time. Of course, there are days, when I don’t feel good, especially when something with us is not right. But I can tell that these thoughts aren’t as intrusive as they once were and I feel like I can control them.
Now to the actual topic. We both moved out because of university (that’s where we met). Xavier* shares a flat with a friend of his a few hundred meters away from university. I live a little farther away with three other people.
At the end of April university started again, so we both came back to our rented flats after being with our families during the quarantine. Since that time we almost live together. Nearly all the time I am at his and his friend’s flat and even sleep there five to six nights of the week.
There are two problems now. The first one is his friend. We don’t have any problem with each other, it’s just that he is there. At the beginning of June, he visited another friend for a few days, so my boyfriend and I had the flat for us alone and we both enjoyed it a lot. When his friend came back I asked myself if he as well enjoyed it to not always have a couple around him.
The second problem is that the people I live with told me that they never see me and asked whether I could spend more time with them. They are nice and I wouldn’t mind spending more time with them, but because of university I don’t have much time and the spare time that I have, I’d like to spend with my boyfriend.
Then I asked myself if Xavier* and I should move in together? I know we would both enjoy it. But I have concerns. Is it too early to move together after knowing each other for only half a year? Especially because he doesn’t know that I have attempted suicide. I wanted to tell him about my past, but I didn’t know how and I don’t want him to treat me differently. In addition, I’m afraid that I would use it as an excuse for everything I don’t want to do, like: “I don’t want to study for the exams, I don’t feel good today".
On the other hand, I don’t know if I'm 100% ready for it. For me, it seems like I won’t have any freedom anymore. Wherever I am, he will also be. But from time to time I need some time alone.
So in conclusion, I would be very happy to move together with him, but I don’t know if it is too early. What do you think about it?
Love, Raven*
🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼
Dear Raven*,
Hey, sweet girl, thanks for writing to me. It's wonderful to know that Xavier* helped you slay the demon known as depression, something many people struggle with. When you find something—or someone—that helps, it's a feeling of relief.
