Dear Boo

💟 Paranoid, Scared, Suicidal 💟

Dear Boo,

I need help. Everything around me is good, but things get really dark sometimes and I don't feel like continuing anymore.

It's been almost five or six years of cutting myself to get relief, but things go back to the same old way as they were before I cut.

Most of the time it's my grades or my relationships. I have a good family, a good home, good friends, a loving boyfriend, and pretty good grades (but sometimes they change). I don't know what to do in those times.

My parents quarrel or they are picking on me, my boyfriend ignores me, and my friends seem to be the least bothered about what I say and it scares me.

I feel paranoid and scared. I feel suffocated and suicidal. I feel like I need help, and I really do. No one really wants to talk about it because everyone says that talking about these things is bad and they say “it’s just a phase”. I know it's not because these thoughts keep coming back.

I may not have been able to tell you my problems properly, but I really hope you understand and help me as you have done to so many through your book.

I feel suicidal and I want to end it all also I have been bullied for quite some time.

Love,
Natalie*

💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟

Dear Natalie*,

Thank you for writing to me about such a deeply emotional issue. First, I want to say your life is worth living and you matter! Remember, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation.

Cutting is something that many people relate to. It takes emotional pain and turns it into physical pain. When you cut it releases endorphins, which tricks your mind into thinking you feel happy for that short moment. However, it is dangerous! Sometimes people can cut too deep without meaning to. They cut without thinking as if it's a natural reaction. Infection can set up and they have to hide the scars in fear of someone will find out. Ask yourself if cutting is really worth the end result, dear.

I noticed something as I read your letter– you put on a fake “I'm okay” persona, as many people do. At first, you said everything was good: your family, your home, your friends, your grades, and a loving boyfriend. Then the real feelings came out! It's okay to do this, it's a defense mechanism that many people use. They put on a fake happy face for those they aren't close with, even I do this with many people.

Did anything happen or change when you first started to cut five or six years ago? What made you so overwhelmed that you turned this? That, my dear, is the first source of your pain.

Do your parents argue about minor details or only big issues? Either way, they don't need to be arguing around you. When parents argue in front of their child(ren) it does damage to their child(ren), but sadly, some don't realize it or simply don't care. If you have a good relationship with either (or both) of your parents try sitting them down and talking to them about this. Explain to them how you feel and how what they’re doing affects you. Also, bring up the times they pick on you. I can understand simple things to bug you, but not something that hurt you to the point you're hurting yourself. What they are doing is wrong and it's hurting you in more ways than they realize.

As for your grades — plan out a study rhythm and stick to it! Use flashcards, have friends help you study, and focus on notes that you take in class. If you don't take notes then start doing so. I know how easy it is to get your mind off track, but take a look at their end result. It would make you happier, and make your parents happier if you brought home a great grade  I do think that parents put too much pressure on their children to do well in school, but they do that because they want a great future for you. This is something you will understand one day when you're a parent.