Writer Games | Death Wish & 51

Task One: I Wish - Scores

[D1 Male] Eoghan Monteligneau - 9

Notes: This entry was  quite good: the characterization was there and, while some description  could have been added, the bits that were there were effective. The flow  in this entry was particularly impressive and there was never a dull or  stagnant moment. However, it felt like what I call soap opera writing:  good, but so unlikely it seems clouded with melodrama.
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[D1 Female] Belladonna Cranium - 8

Notes: While I quite  liked the thought and ideas behind this entry, it was simply too focused  on banter for me to score it any higher. While this isn't an action  task, there are actions here and there in life - a twitch, a gesture of  some sort - that pull away from constant dialogue. This seemed to go on  far longer than it did simply because of how much there was in  comparison to how little happened. The characterization also seemed a  tad forced and over the top.
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[D2 Male] Edgar Phasear - 10

Notes: I really liked  the strangeness in the tone of this entry; while a bit much, it really  captured how I pictured Edgar after reading his form. The description  and flow was good, but it almost felt like you passed the word limit,  cut the entire middle and just glued together the beginning and the end.  I'd definitely recommend working on that, though I love the mildly  comedic wittiness of Edgar's voice.
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[D2 Female] Epona Jericho [3] - 11 (Sponsored by Vienna)

Notes: That was some  absolutely beautiful prose right there. I mean the  characterization/description/plot etc was excellent, of course, but that  prose. It was honestly just great. And thank you for writing a  flashback, because it was efficient and had to happen at least once in  this task. Still I wish it had had more flair; it was a bit too slow for  a start to a Games.
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[D3 Male] Cale Samnet - 5

Notes: This entry had  a very skeletal type of feel to it - almost like you'd planned more,  but realized it was the last day to write and you didn't have time, so  you panicked and sent this in. What there is was quite strong, but I  definitely need more.
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[D3 Female] Ada Huxley [2] - 10 (Sponsored by Vienna)

Notes: I actually love  Ada's voice as a character because it perfectly establishes who she is -  without a doubt, that was my favourite part of the entry. But, that  being said, it didn't quite seem like a piece of narrative, but rather  like a political speech - which, while not a bad thing, wasn't the most  captivating thing to read. I'd also recommend expanding on your entry,  because it definitely felt a little short.
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[D4 Male] Beck Laiken - 2

Notes: This entry had  really nice potential in its opening, but there was just a lack of,  well, everything. With the little I was given, I really can't judge  anything fairly enough to give a higher score.
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[D4 Female] Marbella Doré - 10

Notes: Though there were  a few technical issues with a homophone in one spot and a slightly  choppy/expositional flow to the flash forward, this was a quite strong  entry - I also liked the thought of the potential repercussions to your  wish, which is definitely something that will be popping up later in the  Games. Quite a good entry, overall!
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[D5 Male] Nathaniel Morrison [8] - 10 (Sponsored by Attina)

Notes: I'm having a  hard time commenting on this entry just because nothing really stood  out. It wasn't particularly showy as far as plot, description or  character, but it was fine at everything - despite being a bit too much  telling and not showing. Later on I'd like you to try and go beyond what  you know and are comfortable with.
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[D5 Female] Ava Emerson [10] - 10 (Sponsored by Cicero)*