Unforgotten Love - Book 2

Sacrifices

STEF POV

Tonight I didn't want to see anyone or speak to anyone.  No one at all and I forced myself to go to work despite how horrible I was feeling. Maybe not the best choice considering I was mentally and emotionally unavailable and probably would be until things would change. Right now there was no feeling like the one I was feeling now as I looked out at the George Washington bridge from my fire escape wishing to fade away.

Who knows maybe it was all my fault but today I had failed my daughter and didn't know how I was ever going to explain it to her. How could I? But while she was having a slumber party at Mariana's for what would probably be the last time in awhile  I was starting to pack her clothes  and things up which was a hard pill to swallow. Yes today full custody was awarded to Mike which meant Callie meant had to change schools, move in with him downtown, and only see me on weekends and holidays. How this was fair I didn't know but Mike was able to win with the help of my parents and brothers spewing  lie after lie about me for the knew what they were doing. Yes he had far more witness then me but still I was a good mother despite the few mistakes I made. But what they failed to acknowledge was he had made mistakes himself. This however was not the end for me because I was not backing down and would most certainly continue to fight for my daughter. There was no way in hell I would ever give up on her as I started my search for a better apartment and looked into transferring to a different precinct. Fuck Mike.

Lighting a cigarette and feeling the tears fall from my eyes it was starting to ran and I just didn't know what to do with myself. Never had I felt this alone in my life or felt like I had lost so much. How could I face myself, my daughter or my friends out in California? How? How could I face my girlfriend whom it hurt not see but at the same time I was so furious with.  Yes, we had placed things on hold indefinitely, yet at this time, it felt as if it would be forever considering I now needed to fight for my daughter and prove I was not the person my family made me out to be.

FLASHBACK

"How could you not tell me? How, Luisa?" I ask raising my voice, something I never have done to this extent with her. "Cómo?"

"No podia decirle a nadie, Stefanie. I couldn't tell anyone." She says as I can see the remorse and sadness on her face as I head to look out her window unsure of what to even say. Right now I wasn't sure what to say about anything for it was one thing after the other and I needed this woman right now. I really did and this was the last thing I expected.

"So why tell me now? MM? Why? Why tell me now you have a son? After what almost two years, Lu?Why?"

"Because I trust you, Stefanie, and I trust no one. No one more then I trust you. Baby, we made plans to get married when it becomes legal and I know we can marry in our hearts now...but not really. I did not keep it from you to be malicious..."

"Wait a minute! Back up! You said not really? So, we aren't marrying now in our hearts? I'm so damn confused, Lu! I'm really confused as to what that even means. On top of blindsiding me that you have a son? Why are you even telling me if we aren't marrying in our hearts?" My face is red and I feel like I can't breathe. "Or is it just me who wants that?"

"Of course not! You know how I feel about you. Never have I felt like this for anyone. No one. Escucha, I couldn't tell you about my son because I had to protect him. I still do because I can't let his father know about him. Ever. My aunt takes care of him in DR and I haven't seen him since he was two. Everything you are going through with Callie and the custody? I don't want that for you and I know how hard it is! I do and I don't want you to lose your daughter."

"You didn't answer my entire question, Luisa!" I practically yell once more.

"Stefanie," she says walking over and grabbing my hands. "I love you more then life. There is no one like you. No one. And I am here for you. I am. But...I..."

"But?"

" We can't take this chance right now. We can't do this anymore," she says sadly.

"Que?"

"I can't stand in the way of you and Callie. I just can't. No bueño, bebe."

"What are you trying to say?" I ask as Luisa now can't even look me in the eyes and I swallow hard.

"I know you know. I know you know that we need to..."

"No! I'm not about hiding, Luisa! I'm not hiding again! I'm not the person Mike and my parents are making me out to be! I am not and...I've hidden enough!"

"I know that! I know that. And I know how much you love Callie and want the world for her and it kills me that I can't go to court and tell them! Because I would. You are the person I'd never want out of my life. Ever. You are my life, you and Callie and so many times during the past few months I wanted to tell you about Jesús. And my timing is poor because of everything, and the last thing I want to do is...is break up." I squeeze her hands as tears burn my eyelids. My heart is racing out of control and all I want to do is scream. She sniffles as she looks me in the eyes now. "I never wanted to walk away having kept this from you. I...I needed you to know," she whispers.

"I don't know what to say. I just don't. On one hand I'm angry at you for not telling me about your son, and on the other hand I understand but then I'm so angry that you just want to walk away. As if it's that easy. To just what? End things?"

"No! It's not that easy baby. It's not. And I don't want to walk away from you or us. The thought alone kills me and I just think..."

"I need you, Lu!" The tears are now falling as all she can do is shake her head.

"Tomaremos un descanso entonces, amor," her voice cracks as she brushes my cheek, and my head is spinning.

"A break? What does that even mean?" I ask in a strangled voice. "First you want to end things now a break? Which one is it?"

"Baby, I am tying here. Trying to do what is best for all of us. Trying..."

"When do you plan on seeing your son? How old is he?"

"I don't know. He's 7. I send him money." She says as I take a seat lighting a smoke.

"If the roles were reversed I wouldn't wanna do anything to mess up things for you either."

"I know that. And I know it's hard to think clearly."

"Lu, I know you miss your son, baby. You have to. And I understand I really do."

"I do. Everyday but I know he's safe there. I fell bad I kept it from you. I really do."

"Don't feel bad I understand and I'd keep him safe here." I say looking at her as she grabs my hand holding it. "I'd take care of both of you and I'm not angry, I understand why you couldn't tell me. I just don't want to lose you or Callie, baby. I don't. But, I know we need to lay low even more. And taking a break from us, from you hurts like fuck. But I'd do anything for that little girl and you. And I know you would too."

"I would and I am. And I love you more then life." She says as I look to her once again with tears running down my face as well as hers. This was hard, all of it, us taking a break, me possibly losing my daughter and her not seeing her son since he was two. What was I going to do and how was I going to make all of us ok?

*Flashback Ends*

Wiping my tears as it started to rain harder I headed back inside knowing I needed to head to work soon. Maybe it would be a distraction as I glanced to Callie's drawings on the fridge along with all the postcards she exchanged with Lena. Feeling the tears fall from my eyes again I wasn't sure how I was feeling or how I could have messed up so much in the last decade. I just didn't know as I heard a loud banging at my door wondering who in the world it was at this time.