The Last Mermaid

~ 61 ~

Dear Immunity,

I have a terrible headache. It's due to the pills that I'm taking. I'm stressed out - still in denial of Dad's death. It feels like he's going to appear around the corner. It's as if I need to be successful, and to prove to him I can be an adult without him, even though he's not here. He's just stuck across the ether now. He reminds me that he's still with me when I'm asleep. 

I cannot handle the stress of Coronavirus. The more you research about it, the more that you realize many of the people who run the world are not incompetent but instead pure evil. They attend cannibal feasts, run child sex slavery, illegal dog fights, and they harvest aborted babies for adrenochrome so that they can always look young. I thought Project Bluebeam was ludicrous, but then they announced a day or so ago that UFOs are real, as if they are still onboard with the planned event. They hide things in plain sight, and people simply accept that they have looked too far into things - seeing correlation here there is none. I'm tired of being silent only to find my suspicions proven right again. 

Yes, my body feels terrible. Headaches on my third eye, between my eyes, making me feel as if my nose is broken. The clicking noise that throws me into an intense headache causes me to strain my eyes at the light. I have given up riding bikes, nor do I spend much time reading. I spend almost all my time in child's pose, keeping my forehead touched against the floor. I meditate on the underworld - on giving up my attachment to all things I want in life. The only other thing that gives it relief is walking along the beach. I feel the sounds of the ocean calm all the cells in my body. This is the only relief I get throughout the day - going back to the house just brings back the pain.

Feeling as if I have to exercise each day - thinking all the while why he had to come back and tell me he loves me, only to tell me he's getting married and having a baby, leaving again. Why doesn't he know basic decency for the grieving, and why is he so borderline? Feeling cursed to be alone, sometimes tempted to give in. Want SATISFYING sex, not just hooker sex. Worried the sun is burning my skin.

Love Me