The Last Mermaid

~ 30 ~

Things I've done to make men love me, and failed miserably by doing

. Listened to arguments of religion

. Prayed the rosary

. Got into a video game he once played to understand what it was about it he liked

. Meditated at 5:30 in the morning

. Learned about countries that I have no desire to visit in order to be more "culturally-aware"

. Did squats, certain that I would get an amazing body, even when my ankles and knees threatened to give out on me 

. Trying to figure out why no one ever stayed, and chalking it up to a personality disorder

. Diagnosing myself with a chemical imbalance of the brain because I'm not as energetic and smiley as everyone else

. Listened to stories of lovers who parted young but found their way back to each other

. Astral projection just so I could sleep with a false sense of being loved

. Texting my problems to total strangers on the internet

. Arguing with people online / getting really upset

. Reading self help books "how to keep his interest," "how to heal abandonment issues," and of course, hitting my head over Madame Bovary

. Reading poetry about heartbreak and "loving oneself"

. Settling down an entirely new spiritual path, only to realize I can't save the world

. Abstinence from everything I desire

. Almost willing to go back to college and learn an entirely new major like Art or Journalism

. Deciding the parts of myself that are outspoken, flirtatious, and erratic should be punished

. Trying to learn about things that bore me - finances, baking, and cars

. Tanning every other day to get a golden-brown hue

. Dying my hair red, then dark brown, and then both because I can't decide

. Reading the Bible devotedly on the off chance that my only viable path is as a nun

. Being almost willing to give up my dreams to go on the destiny spoken by a psychic

. Looking down on traveling and those that ravel

. Changing myself so much that I forget who I am