The Last Mermaid

~ 92 ~

He rose out of pitch black, muddy waters. He is blind in our world because he comes from a world where one does not have to see. His fake eyes are extra predatory however, giving him an air of being able to read the mind of his prey before going for the final kill.

He wishes that he were still King of the Underworld. Are the souls still there now? Do they enjoy memories of Persephone? Does the absence of him fill her with sorrow? I hope that she's still there - that she hasn't forgotten me.

I am the darkness - I am Psychology itself. I've been able to raise myself up from my traumas in order to be helpful for others. I am illumination one the darkness, however frightening the darkness may be.

I can see Persephone now. She remote me with her image and beckons me forward with her finger. She frequently calls me out into the forest where I search for the caves that will lead me back. There she will wait for me - that devilish imp. It's through her that I will learn how to understand myself. Sometimes I wander too far. I convince myself that I'm lonely again and making up a fantasy to fill the uncertainty.

But I know her. She comes to inhabit my dreams. She would make wine, wander the caverns of flowers, give love to me in the winter, and then join her mother in the summer. She could laugh through all her tears to find the joy. Her laugher as a radiating ray of warmth to light the coldest darkness.

There would be times I would be in fits of rage and wanting to turn her pink flowers dark. When I was in one of my moods, I wandered through her flower fields and crumbled the prettiest of them, laying them on random tombstones. There would be other garden patches that I would burn. Sometimes I would leave petals on the ponds of the dark mermaids. They would take the petals for themselves as they sat at the bottom in isolation.

There would be times for me to leave to the demons of darkness. These would be the worst times - having to talk to them and the Devil over the trauma they were sent to play on Planet Earth. They would also ask me, from my intensive experience with souls, what would be the most traumatizing experiences of eternal damnation.

When I get back, Persephone is covered in flowers. She looks happy and sexy. I take her to clubs and while from one to the other, as if we lived in the Land of the Lotus Eaters.

She was addicted to drugs and had recently left an abusive relationship. She hitchhiked across the country, finding her way to my friend. She said frequently that she wanted to be a country singer.

"I've always loved the idea of sitting within a wheat field, harmonizing with nature, faeries, and all of that stuff."

I would laugh and see she's cute for believing in that New Age nonsense, but she had an adorable voice and mannerisms that's I found myself smiling to. She did end up converting to Christianity after an experience she described as demonic and I still loved her.

The only problem was that she took drugs a lot. She said they helped her get away from hallucinations that would call her name. It's not a normal thing to hear your girlfriend takes drugs but when you see how helpless she is, you want to help her.

It spiraled from there - her mood spiraling, my psycho analysis, and parent like behavior in order to help her. After a while, you grow resentful.

She eventually turned out okay, but I had to let her go. I am not responsible for someone else.

I ended up getting a degree in Psychology - believing that if I helped her through her problems that I surely have a handle on my own, and would be able to help others. Halfway through my master's degree, I realize that it's a mistake. I don't want to be watching mentally ill people and making sure they adhere to their meds; nor do I have any research ambitions.

I leave and get a Masters in Data Analysis. I date a girl from the Philippines that is nice and NOT crazy (as far as I know at the time anyway.) I stay with her for 4 years while making my way up the corporate ladder from a trucking company to making thousands with a medical ID company. By that time, she tells me she's pregnant. She wants to be married.

I feel trapped. It's as if I settled for this relationship. The only reasonable thing is for me to marry her, but I don't feel happy.

I think of Ali traveling the world. I don't love her. I have feelings for my wife. I need to stop thinking of Ali.

I can't help thinking I am becoming like my dad. I am just like him.

Now, I have to continue with life as if were, spending more days stuck in traffic.

Joy comes when you least expect it. My daughter is the cutest thing you've ever seen, and I am her hero.

Eventually, I break up with my wife.

I find myself falling back to the Underworld. There are no souls around, just faded shadows that nod at me.

In the center of it all, lying in a flower bed, is Persephone.