Defenceless l.s

Twenty Six

Louis curled up in bed and thought about what happened. He still wasn't quite sure on what to do. Should he tell Liam or not? He knew for sure that he would get upset cause he met with Mr.Adams. But he also didn't want to lie. He lied to him so much already about Zayn and Niall. He hadn't told him about him either and he promised Liam to not to befriend anyone at work. Now, he wasn't exactly lying, but it's not like he was being honest either. And he just felt so guilty, after everything Liam had done to help him, he knew Liam just wanted what's best for him, and he also knew that he was probably right. He was always right, but it was just so great to have life back a little to what it used to be. Before all this, when they were still in college and everything was perfect. 

He wanted to talk to Zayn about it, but then he would have to explain how Liam didn't want them to be friends and that he had been lying to Liam. Zayn would not like that at all, he may not get as mad as Liam but he would be disappointed for sure and Louis couldn't stand the thought of Zayn being disappointed in him, it just hurt too much to think about. He had just gotten him back in his life, he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. 

He was still utterly exhausted but he wasn't really sure why. In fact he had no idea what actually happened. Ofcource he knew it had to do with Mr.Adams, he's not stupid. But he did not think that seeing him would affect him this much, and he couldn't figure out why. But just being in his presence brought back memories he would rather forget about, but it's like Liam said, it's no big deal and he shouldn't get so worked up about this. He tried to tell himself that he just overreacted. Like Liam said. He is a bit overdramatic. But he just couldn't shake off this bad feeling whenever Mr.Adams was around. Or any other man of authority. That's why he didn't want to work under Mr.Styles, because what if he turned out to be like Mr.Adams? Then he wouldn't have known what to do, he couldn't just quit again, he really needed the money, that's why he took the job in the first place.

And really, when he thinks about it, Mr.Adams wasn't even that bad, it was a stupid decision to quit, but it's done. But he did end up finding something better, so maybe it wasn't so stupid after all. He figured that if he was going to fear work, might as well make as much money out of it as possible. But then he thought about how he didn't really do that anymore. Fear work, that is. He actually quite enjoyed it, especially with the new friends he made. And he would love for them to meet Liam, but he knew that wouldn't happen any time soon. He really missed him, they hadn't been seeing much of each other lately, and when they did they were both too tired to do anything at all. It's like the night was the only time they spent together when both of them were completely exhausted from work.

Louis wasn't completely sure what was keeping Liam back at work so much, but he had a bad feeling about it. He hated how insecure he felt with any of Liam's friends around and there was nothing he could do about it because he knew that those insecurities were not just in his head like they were for most people, they were his actual flaws. He knew this because Liam had confirmed it time and time again and he tried to fix it, to better himself. He really did, but whatever he did, it never seemed to work, he just stayed the same pathetic loser he always was and he honestly did not understand how Liam could ever like someone like him, he thought about it alot but he just couldn't comprehend what got Liam to even cast a glance at him in the first place, it was just so. . .  unrealistic. 

But he did and that he would be forever grateful for. But he knew that he had to work to keep Liam in his life, he struggled so hard everyday to make sure he didn't do anything to upset him or say anything out of lane. But no matter what he did, Liam ended up mad anyways. He was running out of ideas on what to do. 

He had lost a lot of weight lately which was the only achievement Louis actually was a little proud off, because maybe, just maybe Liam could look past all of his other flaws if he at least found him attractive. But Liam hadn't even said anything yet. Louis wasn't sure on exactly how much he lost, but he knew it wasn't enough, if he wanted Liam happy he would just have to find a way to drop the number faster. If Liam was happy he was happy, but with Liam constantly mad he was miserable and it was his own fault. He kept Liam so unhappy all this time, maybe he should just leave, he thought. 

Louis felt tears of frustration build in his eyes. He just didn't understand how someone could be as pathetic as he was, it just didn't make any sense to him. He knew what he did wrong and he knew what to do to fix it, but whenever he tried it just never seemed to work. It shouldn't be this hard. Louis rubbed his eyes with his fists and sniffled before he wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself so hard he was grabbing onto his elbows. He buried his face in his knees and sniffled again. He tried to keep from crying but a few tears escaped anyways. He was too lazy to wipe them away so he just closed his eyes and let sleep consume him with these thoughts spinning in circles inside his head.