Defenceless l.s

Forty One

"Fine, I'll go with you," he said in a small voice. He just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Dr.Brown gave him a small smile, "alright, I'll just have to check a few more things and if everything looks good you can leave in about an hour."

Louis sat quietly as the Doctor checked his heart and pulse and drew some blood and some other things that he couldn't bother to care about. He just wanted the results to come out negative so he could leave this stupid place and sleep for a week or two untill he could go back home. He had to give Liam a call and explain what happened but he had no idea what he would say. He couldn't tell the truth without upsetting him beyond belief. Maybe he could say that there was an emergency work thing he had to attend.

No, he would only think that he cheated again. He wondered if Liam would even miss him, he said he did but whenever he was away, he never seemed bothered. Besides he had Lindsey now to keep him company. His eyes stung by just the thought of her and Liam together but what could he do? He brought this upon himself, if he hadn't acted so selfishly he would've never lost him to someone else. He could only imagine them together, all cuddled up under the blanket talking mindlessly about anything and everything, just like they used to do. And then he would kiss her and tell her 'I love you,' and she would giggle with that awfully high pitched witch laugh that Louis did not understand how anyone could ever find endearing.

And then they would kiss some more and laugh about what a complete fool Louis had been for ever thinking that someone like Liam could ever love someone like him. Then he would take her to their bedroom and make love on their bed where Louis used to lay. He wasn't stupid he knew what was going on, he just decided to push those thoughts away cause every time they came to mind he felt bile rise up his throat, felt like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest and cut it in little fragmented pieces and scattered them on the floor. And he wasn't able to pick them up and stitch them back together cause he had run out of thread. So he figured that if he didn't think about it, it wouldn't be as real. 

But sometimes he just couldn't stop reality from crashing down on him like a bucket of ice cold water and he would have to think about every little mistake he had made that led up to the moment Liam realized that he wasn't good enough. He felt the tears gater at the brim of his eyes and did his best to will them back before they spilled over. He didn't deserve to cry, didn't deserve to feel sad about this when he could've prevented all of this from happening if he had just tried a little bit harder. 

"All done!" Dr.Brown declared with a friendly smile on his face, Louis did his best to return the gesture but it probably ended up looking more like a grimace. "Thanks," it came out lower than he would've liked but he couldn't help it with the tears clogging up his throat. He coughed a bit before subtly wiping his eyes, hoping nobody noticed before getting off the bed. "So can I leave now?" He asked just to be sure.

"Soon, I just want to go over a few things with you to prevent anything like this from happening again," the Doctor explained. Louis nodded and sat back down again and listened to him go on and on about different diets and how important it was with a varied diet and what not. Louis didn't really pay attention to what was being said as his mind once again started to wander off and he had to stop a little smile from appearing on his face at the thought of Liam coming to pick him up. 

The drive to Zayn's was spent in a heavy silence. The moment they exited the hospital Louis had tried to call Liam, but before he got the chance, Zayn had snatched the phone from his hands, preventing him from doing so and refused to give it back to him. He stared out the window as they drove down the familiar road to Zayn's flat. It had been a long time since he'd been there but it still felt familiar. 

The rage flared up in him every time he thought about what Zayn had done. Not only did he accuse Liam of fucking abuse, now he wouldn't even let him explain why he wouldn't be coming home. He clenched his jaw and shut his eyes close tight, trying to put out the fire burning in his chest before he exploded on Zayn. He really didn't want to start a fight right now, he knew that Zayn just wanted his best, but he didn't seem to understand that he needed Liam in his life, like he needed air in his lungs. He could not function properly without him there to guide him. He didn't quite understand why he hated him so much but he just wished Zayn could see it from his point of view, then maybe he could help him win back Liam's heart. 

Marks formed on his skin as his nails dug into his palms, he wondered how much harder he would have to press for his skin to break and blood to spill out and stain these fucking car seats. He wanted to roll down the window to get some fresh air and ease the thick tension in the car, but didn't feel like moving. The sun shone through the glass onto his eyes as they took a right exit. All he saw was read as warmth spilled over him and his shirt started to feel itchy, but he didn't move. He just let go of his fist and relaxed his jaw as the warmth consumed his body and decided to let sleep take over for a while.