Defenceless l.s

Twenty Seven

He got into bed after an exhausting day, maybe Mr.Styles was right, maybe he shouldn't have gone in today. Louis crawled into Liam's side of the bed and his smell engulfed him into a comforting warmth. He quickly text him goodnight before putting an alarm and turning off his phone. 

The following weeks went pretty similar, he had seen Liam thrice in the past two weeks and hadn't been sleeping well at all. Louis closed the door behind him with a sigh, all energy draining out of his body. He looked around the empty apartment as a wave of sadness washed over him. But he didn't cry, he couldn't. He had cried too much lately, he thought he might've run out of tears. He just felt this consuming emptiness in my chest slowly eating away on his  insides. He had just been feeling incredibly sad but he realized that he couldn't do anything about it, it wasn't even worth trying because he knew there was no point, Louis  needed Liam there to help him, but he wasn't. He tried to smile at work, he didn't want to seem rude so he just had to keep up a happy front and then fix the problem later. 

He laid down on the couch and tried calling Liam but he didn't pick up. He sighed and put the phone away and turned on the TV. He stared blankly at the show playing but his mind drifted away. It seems to do that a lot lately, he has found it increasingly harder to focus on his work making it so much harder which definitely took a toll on his mood. And then Niall would always pop in without warning and drag him away to some restaurant to eat. Louis  hated it. Not spending time with him, just the eating part. He was doing so well and Niall just had to come and ruin it! He could barely eat anything now without feeling utterly sick, he had grown so used to the empty stomach that it became very hard to keep too much food down. It had even happened that he had thrown up after a meal. He didn't mean to do it, but he couldn't help it. It just happened. 

Louis had just gotten off the phone with Zayn, since he figured Liam wouldn't be home he invited Zayn over for tomorrow, Louis wasn't quite sure on what they were going to do, they hadn't hung out casually like this in forever but he was really looking forward to it. They would probably end up watching some movie and eat on the couch. He didn't mind that, but Liam wasn't so fond of bringing food out of the kitchen if it wasn't a special occasion.
That day Louis went to bed slightly happier than yesterday. He hugged Liams pillow to his chest and fell asleep.

He quickly changed out of his suit and tidied up the flat, Zayn would be here any minute and it was the first time he had actually been here. Just when Louis put the vacuum away, he heard the doorbell ring. He scurried over to the door and greeted him happily with a hug. Zayn chuckled and hugged him back before slipping his shoes off and following after him into the living room. Zayn looked around curiously as we sat down on the couch. "Where's Liam?" He asked.

"Oh, um. He's not home, I don't think he'll come home tonight" Louis told him.

"Alright," he nodded and then they just talked. After a while Zayn got hungry so they went to the kitchen and Louis realized that he barely had any food, he cursed for not thinking about this before. He suggested they go out instead. They ended up at a drive through at McDonald's. Louis ordered a big mac for Zayn and ended up getting some fries after Zayn complained about Louis not getting anything. He explained to him that he had a big lunch and that he wasn't hungry but Zayn still insisted that he ate something.

They slouched down on the couch with their food and Louis turned on his laptop, they should really get one of those smart TVs he thought as he browsed through 'Netflix'. They decided to watch a comedy movie and settled for 'I feel pretty'. Zayn had soon devoured his food while Louis was still munching on his fries. Zayn glanced over at him and realized that he still had most of it left, he frowned slightly but decided to not say anything. Maybe he was still full from lunch, he thought. The movie soon ended and Zayn decided that it was best to leave since it had gotten pretty late, Louis didn't want him to leave, he was so tired of feeling alone but he hugged Zayn goodbye and went to take a shower.

He stood under the steamy water, soaking up the warmth as the thoughts started spinning in his head. He shut his eyes tightly and covered his ears trying to shut the voices out, but it did nothing. In fact it only made them clearer. Louis quickly made it out of the shower and slipped the first pairs of sweats he could find. He plugged in his headphones and started a random playlist at a high volume, trying to shut the thoughts out, not bothering to dry his hair.

Eventually they drowned out. He let out a sigh of relief though he had started to grow a headache but he didn't dare to turn off the music. He curled up in bed and draped his blanket around him, he considered calling Liam but realized there was no point, he wasn't going to pick up. And if he did, what was he supposed to do? This was stupid and shouldn't even have happened. He couldn't quite explain where these thoughts was coming from but they were always there, at the back of him mind and recently they had been bugging him more than ever, as soon as he got a moment to himself to just breath, they just came crashing down on him and he really didn't know how to get rid of them. 

So he decided that it was best to just blast music so loudly he couldn't hear his own thoughts anymore, and it seemed to work pretty well except for the headache that came with it that is. Louis still felt cold with the water dripping down his neck and back, he grabbed Liams blanket as well and cocooned himself before pulling it over his head so he was in complete darkness.