And Then There Were Seven «1D»

Chapter 38: The Power of the Rose

"Don't look for someone who will solve your problems, look for someone who won't let you go through them alone."
-Unknown

HARRY'S POV

I feel the gooseflesh rise on my skin and I know it's time again. I'm always irritable when the opioids are not in my system for a certain period of time. My even breathing becomes fast pants as I defy my cravings, not moving from my whereabouts on the couch. I give in like I always do as I run up the stairs head straight for my bathroom.

I sit on my bathroom floor, trying to distract myself for as long as possible until the inevitable comes.

I think of the two small sock snowmen with different colored button eyes that the girls had made in school that they gave to the boys and I for Christmas. We each got them something two thing; one to be from us, the other from Father Christmas. We also had to get even more gifts for Louis's and Lyla's birthday, Louis's being the twenty-fourth and Lyla's being the twenty-eighth. Needless to say it's been stressful. For New Years the boys and I went to a party; we were going to bring the girls along, but with their fear of drinking-rightfully so-we thought it best to have them elsewhere. Lizzie's mum hosted a New Years party that both girls were invited to. To add to the stress, the boys and I had a load of interviews and specials for the season. Zayn's birthday has passed as well, but he was only here for half of it; he flew home for a bit where Perrie was visiting him on her break. Next is my birthday-February first-but I'd rather surpass it without any fuss, but of course they would refuse, seeing as it is my twenty-first birthday.

Now that the holidays have finally cooled down and the girls are back in school, reality has seeped back through my thick skull.

My fingers lightly trace the familiar cap of the pill bottle. I don't want this. I don't want this load on my shoulder. It's too much. I push down on the lid and twist, much harder than need be out of frustration. But what am I frustrated about? I guess that's it: I'm frustrated that I don't know, and that makes me more frustrated and then it continues on in an agonizing cycle.

I shake the container until five pills stumbled onto my one palm in expectance.

I separate one from the rest and I picture Niall's face, I hear his loud boisterous laugh; one tear rolls down my face. I take one more to add to the pile that Niall is in and I feel Liam's large, caring hand rest on my arm; two tears. I add one more to the collection of the boys. Zayn's comforting, concerned eyes stare back at me; three tears. I add a fourth and see Louis's boyish, ear-reaching grin; four tears. The last one I pick up and see my broken heart, shattered into sharp, unforgiving pieces; too many tears to count. I see the four other pills turn in concern and try picking up the pieces. They cut through their hands as they try to tame the mangles shards. The boys wince at the sheer pain in their hands. I throw the broken heart in my mouth; I don't want the boys to cut themselves.

But the girls, I can't leave them, that's selfish. I can't leave my fans, my family, the boys, everyone on my team, even Skylar and Cheyenne.

How many would it take to end it all? I raise my hand that holds the rest of the boys to my mouth.

"Harry?"

I jump at the suddenness of the voice. The one time I don't lock the door. I shut my eyes as fast as I can, not wanting to face whoever stands in front of me, but I already know. I'd know that soft, mellifluous voice anywhere; it just seems I haven't heard it for awhile.

"Harry?" The voice repeats, a bit more shocked and concerned. I shake my head, trying to disappear, become invisible, but my attempts are futile. The world doesn't love me enough to let me escape. I hear a gasp and know she's seen the pills in my hand. "Harry," She breathes and I feel her walk cautiously closer. I can't stop the tears that continue to pour out of my eyes, despite my efforts to stop them.