Card Tricks (Hisoka x Reader) Book 2 of The Magician and The Dragon

XXXI

After the shower, I threw on one of his shirts and some shorts and just came out to sit on the balcony staring off into the city with my knees to my chest just getting lost in my own thoughts. The last time I gave in, Hisoka lost his memories of me. What if I accidentally hurt him and lose him for good? I don't trust myself when I'm not in control. It can get messy and very ugly. It's like this bloodthirsty killing machine inside of me comes out and doesn't care about who she kills or why. It has always terrified me. 

A soft object drapes around me startling me slightly. Back in reality, it's only Hisoka who just put a blanket around me. He sits next to me on the sofa letting a comfortable silence fall on us. The only sound is the wind howling through the air. I'm honestly so out of reality that him being in sweatpants alone doesn't phase me at all. It's offsetting.  

"What did it say to you?" He finally breaks the silence after a while.

"Things that made sense honestly," I sigh.

When I was 5, we were playing in the backyard on our own. I accidentally fell into a deep well and hurt myself pretty bad. The whole reason Ging had me incorporate the healing cards is that we both knew I scar easily and that I'm as clumsy as can be. It was just a safety precaution he knew my mom would have made him put if she was still with us. Anyway, Illumi was just staring down at me while I laid there motionless. He left for a while but came back with Gotoh who helped get me out and patched me up without anyone else finding out. A part of me did think he was going to leave me there, and it's always been one of my greatest fears. That one day he'd just get up and not want to be my big brother anymore. 

Hisoka pulls me into his side holding me close against him. 

"It wasn't real," He huffs resting his chin on the crown of my head. I wrap my arms around his waist clinging onto him like it's the last time I'll ever be able to. I need to have faith in myself but it's so hard. I know some way or the other I just might screw up. This stupid self-doubt has put me in so many situations where I almost just run away from it all. The only reason I didn't was that I had Illumi by my side. Now that he's not here I feel like I'll just mess everything up. 

Hisoka's hand brushes my cheek snapping me out of my trance. Why is my cheek wet? Bringing my hand to my face I realize I've been crying. Some assassin I am. I've broken down so many times I might as well be a child. How am I supposed to rule a clan and do my job when I can't even keep my emotions in check?! 

"Aww, someone missing her brother?" The voice embodiment of nails on a chalkboard couldn't come from anyone else but the same prick who put a curse mark on me. Both Hisoka and I jump up ready to attack the prick standing rather confidently on my balcony. "I'll give you both 20 minutes to change before we finish things, wouldn't want you dying in your jammies." He smirks. He plops down and sits on the edge of the balcony patiently waiting. Hisoka walks inside throwing on his shirt and shoes while I stay outside with my eyes glued to the son of a bitch. 

"Where is Illumi?" I spit harshly.

"Somewhere safe," I go to pull a card from behind me. "Calm down princess he's back at the base with Omokage. I haven't done anything to him, yet," he smirks. It boils my blood having him so close to me but unable to match his strength or abilities. "Aren't you gonna change?" 

Feeling the aura flow through me with one palm facing inwards, the other hand balled into a fist channeling all the aura from around me, slamming the fist into my palm and twisting so the fist is upright, electricity crackles around me in a sphere engulfing me entirely. As the light subdues, my markings start to appear, my outfit as well changing into the black cheongsam dress and white shorts with black flat shoes with a little ball of fluff at the top.