Under the Influence

Lucky Me

Shawnie's POV

It's been a little over a week since I went to Chris' session. I'm not going to lie, I've been thinking about that day a lot. Seeing him for the first time in a month and a half, his therapist basically telling me to leave him, and all the emotions that went along with it, and let's not forget about the comment that he made, which made Chris almost rip his heart out of his body. I was still a little stressed out about that altercation.

So let's be honest here, Aubrey is still in the back of my head, but I know where I'm supposed to be. We have a child on the way, and when he gets out of rehab, we're going to take some time for us. Dr. Jordan really had me thinking. He said he was displaying some characteristics of being insane. There's nothing wrong with Chris... of course, sometimes he acts irrationally, never really listens to anyone, and seems a little detached from reality... but he's completely fine. Plus, he's getting help. Whatever. We're good. 

There was something up with Dr. Jordan. I don't know exactly what it was, but things were just a little off. I've been feeling like I should call him to get a little more information, get his opinion on what steps to take next, and see if I can get something out of him. I've talked to Chris, but he hasn't really said much. I think what happened in that session really upset him, and I don't think he's even working with Dr. Jordan anymore. But that's just what I think. Chris won't tell me anything.

I think Dr. Jordan is a little bit crazy for saying that he thinks I'm in love with two people. I don't love Aubrey...I take that back, I do love Aubrey. I'm just not in love with him. Aubrey hasn't bothered me since he left Chicago that day, and honestly, it feels like things are going to start picking up.

On a positive note, I announced my pregnancy and that Chris is in rehab. A lot of people are saying they already knew I was pregnant. A lot of his fans are happy, and then there's also a small percentage of people who hate my guts and hate that I am the one carrying his baby. They're very happy that he's in rehab, though. His fans support him in his decision to better himself.

Chris' mom is back in LA. It was so nice having her here with me and having someone to talk to. I'm lonely being here in the hotel by myself. We got closer while she was here; we had a few talks, and I feel comfortable talking to her, but I didn't get to talk to her the way I really wanted to. I was planning to have a pretty serious conversation with her when we got back from visiting Chris, but Dr. Jordan asked me to stay, so I never got to have it.

Today, I've committed to setting aside time to talk to Ms. Joyce. Our relationship has gone up, then down, now we're back up again, and I want to keep it that way. I think opening up to her about my inner thoughts and feelings about this pregnancy would definitely be a good start.

I pick up my cell and call her.

"Hi Shawnie!" She answers

"Hey, Ms. Joyce. How's everything going?" I ask

"I'm great, how are you?"

"I'm good, and you?"

"Everything is going well. How's my grandbaby?"

"Good."

"I saw that you announced her pregnancy to the public. Did Chris have anything to do with that?" She asks

"You know he did. He didn't like that everybody was calling me fat, so he announced it. He's the one who took the picture."

"I figured as much. I think everybody knows he doesn't play around when it comes to you."

"Yeah, that's true."

"Are you sure everything's okay? You don't sound good."

"I'm okay. I was calling because I didn't get to really talk to you before you left, since I stayed back at the center. There are a few things that have been bothering me, and I wanted to talk to you about them since you've been through this."