Under The Influence

State Of The Union

Shawnie's POV

When I went over to Chris house the other day, I didn't tell Aubrey. Not that I didn't want him to know, it's just I knew he would've tried to talk me out of it. Plus, he doesn't need to know. The thing with Aubrey is, he thinks I don't know what he's doing. He's trying to keep us apart and he's trying to stay around just in case I decide to be done with Chris for good but little does he know, if I did decide to leave Chris alone, he still wouldn't be my choice.

Having sex with Chris wasn't what I went over there for. I obviously wanted to talk to him because we really needed it but it turned into something else. I just couldn't stop him, nor did I want to. Don't get me wrong, I miss him and I missed my dick of course, but too much has happened and too much time has gone by. We can't just jump back into a relationship without addressing the issues we were having. For us to get back together, I would need to see some huge changes from him and I honestly don't think Chris can deliver on my demands this time. I just wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be alright between us.

I can't pretend that everything is his fault though. There's things that I could've done differently. I have my own issues that probably aided some of his behavior and there definitely things that I could've done differently. For one, I could've stuck to my word when I said I didn't want to get involved with him but Chris was so persistent. I've never had someone chase me the way he did and it made me feel special. I felt like I had no choice but to give in. And another thing I could've done was be honest with him from the beginning. He knew I had issues with my ex but he doesn't know the other things that I had/have going on with me. Things that happened with my mom. I never told him. He though all of my issues stemmed from my ex but it didn't and I should've told him.

When I think back to the time when we first got together, it makes me miss him so much. He was perfect to me and I still can't believe that he wanted me. Back then, everything was easy. There's wasn't any rumors going on about him, there wasn't women come out of everywhere talking about they were messing around with him, everything was great. Even though, I was trying to end things before they even really started. I liked the attention, and I liked the bubble we lived in. I can only wish we could get back to those days but those days are long gone.

Anyway, the sex was so good though, it always is and I've definitely missed it but it's always the crazy motherfuckers who has the good sex. If I wasn't positive that we would involve our feelings, I would not stop our sexual relationship because the sex we have is pretty amazing. It's sad but true.

The story about them arguing in front of my house took off, of course it did, it's the biggest story right now. They saw him banging on my door and yelling, trying to fight Aubrey, busting out his window and arguing with both of us. Early this morning, Chris was arrested for smashing the cameras from the paps. But we already knew that was going to happen. This is a mess.

It's so crazy how anyone Chris dates is huge news. When we got together, it was big and now that we've broken up, it's bigger. Chris was always been there to help me with all of this media crap and now with the media swarming around me like they do, I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what to say, so I don't make any comments when they ask me questions. Lately, they've been asking about mine and Aubrey's relationship and I want to set the record straight and tell them that we're only friends but I know that will probably make things worse, so I just keep my mouth closed.

Anyway, I was getting ready to go out with Aubrey. He was going out of town tomorrow for a few days because he had a show over in Brazil. He wanted to take me out to his favorite restaurant, Nobu and after we were going to go to 1 Oak. So I fixed myself up and we headed to Nobu.