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Chris Brown is clearly someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. A very emotional person, someone who loves hard and wants the same love in return. He's someone who wants to find love, but he's looking in all the wrong places. He's dated all...
When I went over to Chris's house the other day, I didn't tell Aubrey. Not that I didn't want him to know, it's just I knew he would've tried to talk me out of it. Plus, he doesn't need to know. The thing with Aubrey is, he thinks I don't know what he's doing. He's trying to keep us apart and stay around just in case I decide to be done with Chris for good, but little does he know that if I did decide to leave Chris alone, he still wouldn't be my choice.
Having sex with Chris wasn't what I went over there for. I obviously wanted to talk to him because we really needed it, but it turned into something else. I couldn't stop him, nor did I want to. Don't get me wrong, I miss him, and I missed my dick of course, but too much has happened and too much time has gone by. We can't just jump back into a relationship without addressing the issues we were having. For us to get back together, I would need to see some huge changes from him, and I honestly don't think Chris can deliver on my demands this time. I wish I could snap my fingers and everything would be all right between us.
I can't pretend that everything is his fault, though. There are things that I could've done differently. I have my own issues that probably contributed to some of his behavior, and there are definitely things I could've done differently. For one, I could've stuck to my word when I said I didn't want to get involved with him, but Chris was so persistent. I've never had someone chase me the way he did, and it made me feel special. I felt like I had no choice but to give in. And another thing I could've done was be honest with him from the beginning. He knew I had issues with my ex, but he doesn't know the other things that I had/have going on with me. Things that happened with my mom. I never told him. He thought all of my issues stemmed from my ex, but it didn't, and I should've told him.
When I think back to the time when we first got together, it makes me miss him so much. He was perfect to me, and I still can't believe that he wanted me. Back then, everything was easy. There weren't any rumors about him; there weren't women coming out of the woodwork saying they'd been messing around with him; everything was great. Even though I was trying to end things before they really even started. I liked the attention and the bubble we lived in. I can only wish we could get back to those days, but they are long gone.
The story about them arguing in front of my house took off, of course, it did, it's the biggest right now. They saw him banging on my door, yelling, trying to fight Aubrey, busting out his window, and arguing with both of us. Early this morning, Chris was arrested for smashing the paps' cameras. But we already knew that was going to happen. This is a mess.
It's so ridiculous how big a news it is when Chris dates anyone. When we got together, it was big, and now that we've broken up, it's bigger. Chris was always there to help me with all of this media crap, and now with the media swarming around me as they do, I don't know how to handle it. I don't know what to say, so I don't comment when they ask me questions. Lately, they've been asking about my relationship with Aubrey, and I want to set the record straight and tell them we're only friends, but I know that will probably make things worse, so I keep my mouth shut.
Anyway, I was getting ready to go out with Aubrey. He was going out of town for a few days because he had a show in Brazil. He wanted to take me out to his favorite restaurant, Nobu, and after that, we were going to go to 1 Oak. So I fixed myself up, and we headed to Nobu.
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