🚩🚩🚩
Chris Brown is clearly someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. A very emotional person, someone who loves hard and wants the same love in return. He's someone who wants to find love, but he's looking in all the wrong places. He's dated all...
After I got off the phone with Chris, I just sat there for a few minutes. I cried. I missed him so much. He's going through so much and I can't be there for him. He's hurting, I heard it in his voice. The only thing I can do is sit here. It is extremely stupid for me to go there because I have no doubt in my mind that if I go, he's going to leave with me. I have to be strong, just like he asked me to. This is a positive thing, regardless if he sees it like it as a negative thing right now.
I miss him so much. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I feel like he's the only support that I have. I know I have my family, but I just love the idea of him going through this with me. Even though this isn't my first pregnancy, I feel like it is. This is the first baby I'm carrying to term and I'm scared. I just want him with me through all of this.
I just wish things were different. I understand our situation that we both have going on and even though I am pregnant right now, I'm determined to be there for him in his time of need. I know all of this will pay off in the end.
Chris POV
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
After I basically hung up on Shawnie, I got up and went into my therapist office. He wasn't in there yet and that left me to be alone with my thoughts. I hate this shit. That's all I have been doing lately, is being alone with my thoughts.
When I first got here, They basically did all of the onboarding processes and introductions. Things were okay for all of two days. I thought I was starting to get into the groove of things, but then the withdrawals hit. They didn't hit me how I have experienced before. When they hit me, it really hit me hard. I've never gone through withdrawals like this before. I don't know what was different this time, but I really went through it for a couple of weeks, and I've never dealt with any withdrawals for that long before. It was bad.
When you check into rehab, the rules are you can't communicate with anyone for a couple of weeks. I knew this, but I didn't tell Shawnie because I didn't want to upset her. And she was going to make a big deal about not talking to me and I just didn't have it in me to go back-and-forth with her about it. I was already dealing with everything in my head and when it was actually time I just couldn't tell her. If she knows she couldn't talk to me I don't think she would've been as willing to let me go.
I hate that I can't be with her right now. This shit is eating at me every day, and I hate it. I just want to hold her in my arms, while I lay on her stomach. This is too much for me to handle, so I know it is for her too. We aren't used to this. I miss her so much.
I start to feel myself getting a little too down, and my eyes begin to water. Nope! I refuse to go there. I can't fall apart. I quickly wipe my eyes from the tear almost about to fall.
"I gotta get it together." I say to myself out loud. I sit up and try to think about what I'm going to do when I get out. I have to get my mind off of her.
