Under the Influence

Do Better

Chris POV

Ever since Shawnie and I broke up, I've had to deal with Ammika. I haven't seen her son since that day at the penthouse house. I have been texting her on and off, and I think I might be ready to meet him again. I have to keep in mind what Ammika's motives might be. I know she wants me back, and I'm just not trying to go there with her again. She's off in the head.

We've pretty much been on good terms, and the conversation has strictly been about her son, well, I guess I should say, my son. She's gone back to Germany, so I think I'm going to take a trip over there and see what happens. We FaceTime now and then, and she lets me see him. I gotta admit, he does look like me. I feel a little bad about what I did, but I still feel justified because I think I had to do it to keep my relationship.

Shawnie and I have been having all types of issues, and I'm not gonna say that some of it isn't my fault because I have definitely started shit on purpose. I wanna work things out with her, and I want us to get back together, but then again, I think about all of the shit that we've been through and the shit that she put me through that was just so unnecessary, and I feel like I'm better off without her. I can't act like I didn't do shit to her. Hell, I did more shit to her than she's done to me. I don't blame her for leaving, but I'm literally fighting with myself about this.

I guess it's just being scared of being alone again. I was with this woman off and on for three years of my life. Most of the time we were on, and I woke up to her 95% of that time. Even when she was messing around with Drake, I was still actively in her life, fucking her. I don't even remember what my life was before her; it's so weird. I don't want to know what life is without her, because she's been a part of me for so long. It's hard. I can't lie about that, but I'll eventually have some clarity on this matter and make the right decision for myself.

It's just still taking me a long time to get used to my new reality of being single, Chris again. I'm so worried about her and my daughter; I'm trying to talk to other women, but nothing sticks. Don't get me wrong, you know I've been fucking bitches, that's what I do, but mostly, I've only been working. That's what I always stick to. I work. Slime and B just released, and I think it's time that I start celebrating and living my life again. I need to try to look past this situation.

The label is treating this as a studio album, which I'm not complaining about because I get to film some videos in the process. I'm getting a lot of advertisements as well. Anyway, I was out minding my business with all my boys, celebrating the release of the mixtape.

I was enjoying life, no care in the world. Yeah, I was half drunk, high, and as always, surrounded by beautiful women.