Under the Influence

Don't judge me

Chris POV

After I left Shawnie in my bedroom bathroom, I went downstairs to my living room and sat on the sofa. My guys were trying to tell me to chill out, and I really wasn't trying to hear any of that, but I knew they were right. I had just completely flipped out on Shawnie, and she's never seen me like that before. She didn't deserve that. I can understand why she's acting the way she's acting; she was terrified. I can't believe I did this. I have to fix it.

I wish I had never acted that way, though. Sometimes it's just hard for me to keep my composure when it seems like everyone around me doesn't get it. I feel like I'm the only one who understands me, and what I'm going through, and I feel like I'm on an island by myself. So when I act out and flip out on everybody, they want to make it seem like I'm crazy.

I wish I could take back the way I acted in front of her because she doesn't deserve it, and putting her in any danger, or making her feel like she is, is the last thing I want to do. I'm supposed to be the one to protect her; I'm her man. She's supposed to feel safe with me, and I failed today. I have to get her out of that bathroom.

I sat there thinking of ways to get her out. Then my doorbell rang. I got up to answer the door and saw it was Josh and Lindsay.

"Lindsay!" I say, hugging her, "I've never been so happy to see you."

"Why?" She asks, looking at me like I'm crazy.

"I need you to go upstairs and get Shawnie out of my bathroom."

"Why is she in there?" She asks like she already knows what's going on.

"All this bullshit with this bitch lying about me being her baby daddy. We got into an argument, and I kinda flipped out, and she locked herself in there. Lindsay, please help me. I love that girl, and I'm scared she's going to leave me."

"Okay, Okay. I'm going. I got it, don't worry." She hugs me again, then we head upstairs. I walk into my room and knock on the bathroom door.

"Baby, Lindsay is here," I say, hoping she'll respond.

She doesn't say anything.

"Hey, baby girl! I'm here, open the door." Lindsay says

The door unlocks, and she cracks it open. We make eye contact.

"Babe..." I say, pleading with her. I feel so horrible. She steps out of my view to let Lindsay in, then the door closes.

"Fuck!" I say freaking out. She's never going to talk to me again. Damn, I've fucked up. I have to control my anger. She's been telling me this for the longest, and I didn't take it seriously. Now look at me.

I go downstairs in my basement and go into my home studio. I sit on the sofa, and I wait anxiously for Lindsay to give me some news. I know I fucked up, and I was going to have to do some major ass-kissing for her to forgive me. I don't ever want her to feel like she needs to hide from me.  That's the last thing I want. This is killing me.

Shawnie's POV

"Hey girl, are you okay?" Lindsay asks, looking concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just trying to get my thoughts together. Thanks for coming. I literally didn't have anyone else to call."

"He thinks we just popped up. He doesn't know you texted me. So what happened?" She asks

I sigh and take a deep breath, then I speak, "We ran into Ammika at an art showing tonight. We went back and forth for a second, then left, but I saw that she's really pregnant. I didn't know she was. He kept out that small detail. Once we got into the car, I broke down. He saw that, and he just flipped out. He went back into the building, and the next thing I know, he's being kicked out."