Under The Influence

Trust Issues

Shawnie's POV

After I walked out of the session and back to my residence, I called Chris. At first they didn't want to put me through to him but Dr. Fox stepped in and I was able to talk to him after holding for like 20 minutes.

"What's up baby?" He answers

"I'm sorry to kind of freaked out, but I felt uncomfortable. I didn't like the fact that she called Aubrey there and you weren't there and then she turned on the TV and you're on it and in a session with us and I just didn't like him there with you. I felt like you were uncomfortable. It was just a lot to deal with at that moment. I was trying super hard not to stress."

"Nah. It's good. I didn't wanna do that shit anyway. They kinda forced me and I just dealt with it. I feel like it was low key a bribe because they told me you would be in on the session too and I wanted to see you. I feel like they used that against me. I am seeing that motherfucker sitting on the same couch as you, just fucked me all up." He says

"I know baby but you know I wasn't really worried about him."

"I know."

"Why did you ask those questions? Why would you ask if I'll pick him out of everyone? What's on your mind?"

"Exactly what u I said. I'll admit, it makes me insecure know y'all I had a relationship. I know you and I weren't together at the time, but I feel like it fucked everything up. I know I did what I did with them bitches and that made you act out, but I just can't get over the hurt from that. I am holding onto so much resentment when it comes to you, and our relationship.. and I know you are too. We fucked each other up."

"That's true." I say

"I think you want more than what I can give you. I don't know what that is, but I feel like you don't want us Joe you once did."

"I understand your feelings babe, and I appreciate your honesty..." I take a deep breath and let it out. "...... But I'm not going anywhere. We have had our ups and downs, and probably more downs than ups, but I'm still here trying to fight with you. I don't want us to be together I love you want us to raise our kids together. I told you I'd marry you, and I mean it." I say sincerely.

"So you not gonna get with anyone else?"

"No!" I say, "Why do you keep thinking that?"

"You know Dr. Jordan likes you right?" He asks

"He's flirted, but I never flirted back. I didn't think it was a thing like that."

"I think he's trying to check me into an insane asylum or some shit."

"I believe that. He told me about you signing everything over to me and I'm in control of everything. Why wouldn't you give that to your mom?"

"I feel like I made the right decision. I know you don't want anything to happen to me, just like my mother. You love me, and you wanna see me get better."

"Yes, that's true, but babe...that's something a wife does. I'm not your wife..."

"Yet." He corrects me. "But I have faith in this."

"Okay."

"What if I told you I'd give you the chance to go be with him, just to make sure you wanted to be with me. What would you do?"

"I don't know what I would do but I would think you're crazy." I say

"I wanna do this." He says

"What? You've lost your mind."

"I'm serious."

"Why doors it seem like you keep trying to push me to him."

"That's the only way I know how to be for certain. Please, just do it. Be honest with me too. I want to know all details."