Under the Influence

Dear God

Shawnie's POV

Aubrey set everything up for Brooke and me. We got our nails, feet, and facials done, and now we were getting massages. She was lying on the table across from me.

"And he did all of this because you said you were stressed out about your situation?" She asks

"Yes."

"Damn, must be nice. I wish I had a guy to do something like this for me. Has Chris ever done anything like this?" She asks

"Not that I can recall. And I don't want to compare them because they're two different people, but honestly, they are so similar, and they don't even know it. I mean, I get different things from them; they love me differently, and I'm not saying Aubrey loves me; it's just a figure of speech. Everyone seems to think Aubrey is doing everything he does to piss off Chris, which is half true, but no one sees it when it's just us. I see it in his eyes; he really cares about me, and he wants me just to be present with him, but I can't. Chris is always on my mind, and Aubrey hates it."

"That's because you love Chris."

"I know I do, I'll never deny that, Aubrey knows that too. We've had so many conversations about that. Aubrey knows why I act how I do. He doesn't like it, but he knows." I explain

"I don't doubt that Chris loves you, but the way he does is a little dangerous. The way he walked into your office that day scared me, and we had absolutely no interaction with each other."

"Chris can be... intense sometimes, but it's innocent," I say, defending him. I don't want her to think negatively of him.

"I don't believe that. I think there's so much more going on with him."

"There is, but it's not your business, and I'm not willing to talk about that. Chris and I have had deep conversations about various things. I know so much about him, more than anyone who knows him, and that's between him and me."

"That's good and all, but I think what everyone's been saying in the media is true. He's crazy as hell. The things he's done in an attempt to get you back are just flat-out stalker behavior. He's a psychopath."

"Don't talk about him like that; he's calmed a lot of that down."

"Yeah, but aren't you just waiting for the next crazy thing for him to do?" She asks, and the truth is, I am thinking about it. I'm scared to see what he'll do.

"I try not to think about that. I try to keep him calm by talking to him, going over there when he wants me to, and just keeping him close. We've slipped up and had sex a couple of times. That's all he wants. I mean, he wants to be back in a relationship with me. I can't go there right now."

"You guys have had sex? That's a no-no ." She says

"I know, but I just can't say no to him. Chris has a firm grip on me. If I wanted to let him go, I couldn't. Every time he touches me, I melt. He touches me, and my whole body gets chills. I love it. You don't know the effect he has over my body, and over me, and I don't know how to break it. I don't want to." I ramble

"I think you're doing too much. Chris has to go with his crazy ass. You have a nice guy who's being so patient with you and your situation, and you're treating him like this. He's only going to put up with this for so long."

"I think he's sick of it already," I confess

"How do you feel about him?"

"I like Aubrey. It snuck up on me, but I've come to terms with it. It makes my life so much more complicated, but I'm trying to work through it. I know I'm not done with Chris, but I'm curious about Aubrey. I can't make up my mind, and I know it's hurting both of them." I explain, remembering everything that's gone on so far.